A stunning new poll of Congressional sentiment conducted by a consortium of St. Louis-based universities has unearthed some wild findings.
The most surprising fact is that the vast majority of Republican men in Congress believe female orgasms do not exist.
“I know for a fact my wife has never had an orgasm,” said Senator Ted Cruz. “Sometimes we’ll go at it practically for forever, as long as I can humanly last, and even after a full, agonizing minute of my holding off as long as I possibly can, by thinking about unsexy things like a future in which I am not elected President, she still doesn’t feel anything. Riddle me that one, science!”
“One time I heard several of my female colleagues talking about female orgasms,” explained Representative Louie Gohmert, “but they must have all gotten on the same menstrual cycle and been hysterical from being on the rag because they kept mentioning something called a clitoris. Humans don’t have a clitoris. I’d love for some coastal elitist scientist to point on my body where my clitoris is!”
“Are scientists confusing female G-spots for the male g-spot in the anus where it touches the prostate?” asked Senator Lindsey Graham.
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