Washington D.C.—
President Donald Trump today made the unusual claim that Joe Biden, if elected president, would turn every suburban marriage into a biracial marriage.
“Joe Biden hates same-race marriages even more than he hates God!” exclaimed Mr. Trump in a press briefing that quickly went off the rails. “All the suburban white women out there who are thinking about flipping to the Democrats better understand that Joe Biden does not respect you or your husband like I do. He will make you divorce your husband, and force you to marry someone else. Someone way different. A jihadi, an African immigrant, or a Chinese. Biden will make you spin a wheel to find out whether your new husband is Black, brown, yellow or red. Normal colors will no longer be allowed. If you don’t want to have to marry a member of al-Qaeda, I’d suggest you reelect me. Democrats are going to abort your marriage, and Nancy Pelosi will personally convert your kids into multiracial mulattos, the ones she doesn’t eat. If you want your kids’ skin to stay white, you better vote Trump, that’s all I’m saying. You wouldn’t believe what Joe Biden wants to do. If I told you, it would blow your mind. Biden wants to mandate your husband grow a beard, wear a turban, memorize the Koran, force you into a burqa, take away your driver’s license, and marry ten other women besides you, each one more biracial than the last! I know I said this about Obama and Hillary, but my election stopped them from doing this just in time. And Biden will finish the job! Trust me. You’ll have to choose for your kids to convert to Mexican or Arab. There will be taco stands or hummus bowls in every room of your house! If you’re a suburban white woman, it’ll be game over for you if Biden wins! You’re not going to be suburban anymore. Maybe not even a woman. Who knows? The way things are going… Joe Biden will ruin your life. I guarantee it. Biden will sign an executive order that your house gets torn down, and he’ll replace your comfortable home and pretty little yard with a low-income housing unit, and cram in dozens of immigrants, thugs, MS-13 gang lords, abortion doctors, and Antifa. He’s going to turn your suburban life into an urban one, and he’ll convert all your kids into little urbans. You won’t even recognize them anymore. Trust me. Your little Timmy is going to turn into big Tyrone, or Osama the Terrorist. The suburbs will be totally over. You’ll never see a suburb again. America will be nothing but urban. So suburban white women better stop flipping over to the Democrats! I love you, and Joe Biden hates you. Seriously. He will feed your children to Nancy Pelosi. It will be their new tax. A children tax!”
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