Trump: “Joe Biden Will Turn All Suburban Marriages Into Biracial Marriages”

Washington D.C.—

President Donald Trump today made an unusual claim that Joe Biden, if elected president, would turn every suburban marriage into a biracial marriage.

“Joe Biden hates same-race marriages even more than he hates God!” exclaimed Mr. Trump in a press briefing that quickly went off the rails. “Even more than he hates Jesus! All the suburban white women out there who are thinking about flipping to the Democrats better understand that Joe Biden does not respect you or your husband. He will turn your husband black, or make you divorce and force you to marry an Indian, or a Chinaman, or a member of ISIS. You’ll have to spin a wheel to find out whether your husband turns black, brown, yellow or red. Normal colors will no longer be allowed. If you don’t want to have to marry a member of al-Qaeda, I’d suggest you reelect me. Democrats are going to abort your marriage, and Nancy Pelosi will personally turn your kids multiracial, the ones she doesn’t eat. If you want your kids’ skin to stay white, you better vote Trump, that’s all I’m saying. You wouldn’t believe what Joe Biden wants to do. If I told you, it would blow your mind. You’d say, ‘wow, President Trump, I can’t believe it!’ Biden wants to mandate your husband to grow a beard, wear a turban, memorize the Koran, force you into a burqa, take away your driver’s license, and marry ten other women besides you, each one more biracial than the last! I know I said this about Obama, but my election stopped him and Hillary from doing this just in time. But Biden will finish the job! You’ll have to choose for your husband to convert to Mexican or Arab. There will be taco stands and hummus bowls in every room of your house! So suburban women better vote Trump!”

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