Mark Meadows Claims Trump Memorizes Hamlet Monologues In His Free Time

Washington D.C.—

The President’s Chief of Staff Mark Meadows today claimed that Donald Trump is a voracious reader in an interview on CNN.

“President Trump reads so many things every day that I can’t keep up with him,” Meadows said. “It’s my job, but the President should be doing his job and mine both because that’s how much he reads. I thought I read fast, but the President can read three times more material than I can in the same amount of time. It’s unbelievable. He learns so much about so many topics that sometimes I can barely even talk to him because I have no clue about any of the insanely technical and specific details he brings up about arcane and complicated subjects in casual conversation. It’s like he’s an alien speaking some highly intelligent foreign language. Mr. Trump is so much smarter than me because anytime he realizes he doesn’t know something, he’ll read every book and policy paper he can find on it. When he said a few years ago that no one knew healthcare could be so complicated, he went right into the Oval Office, put a ‘do not disturb, reading’ sign on the door, and he found out exactly just how complicated it was. Now he’s the world’s biggest expert on how complicated healthcare can be. No one knows more than him about healthcare complications, I guarantee it. Why do you think he gave up trying to repeal and replace Obamacare? Because this President fundamentally understands it can be very complicated!”

The CNN interviewer asked about all the President’s golfing trips.

“When President Trump golfs he has a tiny little earbud in, and he’s listening to books on tape. In fact, President Trump is never not reading. When he’s getting his makeup and hair done in the mornings, or he’s watching cable news during his scheduled executive hours, or he’s tweeting, he is simultaneously listening to recordings of the complete works of Shakespeare. And not any modern translations, he only listens in the Old English because he’s read the complete works of Shakespeare so many times in every adaption and form they come in, and he says the Old English originals are so much more poetic. And in his free time he memorizes entire monologues from Hamlet, Macbeth, and King Lear. I’ve heard him recite them perfectly when he takes one of his extremely rare breaks from reading so much. I’ll open up the play’s script and follow along, and Trump gets literally every word right. I’m telling you, President Trump reads more than the entire White House staff combined, and that’s like thirty people.”

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