Washington D.C.—
By a final count, the Republican National Convention described 581 people, objects, and ideas as “socialist.”
The Halfway Post reached out to several RNC executive staffers, who would only comment anonymously, and they all shared concern that the GOP was becoming “the Party who cried wolf over socialism.”
“The word ‘socialist’ was used an average of 39 times per convention speech,” explained one RNC executive. “We’re afraid such fear mongering is losing its effectiveness because voters just don’t see Joe Biden as a socialist. We were all set to go wild with the socialism stuff while it looked like Bernie might win, but voters see Biden as a moderate, centrist candidate. President Trump and his kids can call everyone to the left of John Kasich a socialist if they want, but our internal polling shows that the average American voter isn’t an idiot and doesn’t believe Biden is going to turn American into Venezuela.”
The following people, things and ideas were some of the nouns described as “socialist” at some point during the Republican convention by its various speakers:
- Joe Biden, Hunter Biden, Beau Biden, all of Joe Biden’s granddaughters, all of Joe Biden’s ancestors, everyone who was friends with Joe Biden from his days riding Amtrak, Joe Biden’s school teachers, Jill Biden, all of Jill Biden’s current and past students, and all the Republicans who have said nice things about Joe Biden’s character.
- Marital monogamy, raising your kids, wives who don’t have foreign accents, Catholicism, having a stutter, and being vice president to a black president.
- Healthcare reform, minimum wage increases, the Green New Deal, early education, having a political platform at all, democracy, voting by mail, the popular vote, every Democrat who ever lived, the idea that your children shouldn’t be your top advisers, reading the daily presidential brief, and criticizing foreign dictators who pay for bounties on US troops or cut up US resident journalists.
- All of Delaware, Scranton, Amtrak, aviator sunglasses, Corvettes, going home at night to tuck your kids into bed, hugging people, the name “Joe,” and any surname that starts with a B.
- The United Nations, the Paris Climate Accord, the Iran Deal, NATO, the European Union, Denmark for not selling Greenland, Mexico for not paying for the wall, and the entire world for banning our travel because of COVID.
- Being able to name a book other than The Art of the Deal, being able to pronounce correctly the names of books in the Bible, never getting sued by the government for racism, not being a billionaire, abiding by the Emoluments Clause, and impeaching a president.
- Squirrels, steaks that aren’t served with ketchup, mixing chocolate and vanilla ice cream in the same bowl, disgust in incest, cable news hosts who aren’t blonde, women White House correspondents, and toilets that aren’t gold.
From The Halfway Post vault:
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