Trump: “No One Knew COVID Could Be So Bad!”

Washington D.C.—

The following are quotes President Donald Trump made to his doctors at Walter Reed Hospital in Bethesda, Maryland:

  1. “No one knew COVID could be so bad!”
  2. “A lot of people don’t know this, but COVID is a very rough thing to have to deal with!”
  3. “I blame Obama for this. How convenient for Democrats that he stopped making COVID tests after #16. Did he know I’d someday get #19? People are talking.”
  4. “No one could have known COVID makes you very sick, sick enough to go to the hospital.”
  5. “I wish Melania could take all my COVID germs, too. Or Barron. Why does it have to be me?”
  6. “Can someone cancel the order for that ‘COVID: MISSION ACCOMPLISHED’ banner we bought for our campaign events the last week in October? I think it will send the wrong message.”
  7. “Can we name any treatment pills that get developed ‘Trumpicil‘?”
  8. “If anything happens to Melania, I have my eye on some 20-year-olds I’ve been watching since they were pre-teens who would make a great fourth wife! They’ll just have to sign a strict pre-nup. They can get more money than Eric And Don Jr., but not as much as Ivanka.”
  9. “I want someone to tell Donald Jr. he has to change his name! If anything happens to me I don’t trust him to protect the prestige and honor of the Donald Trump name! Right now its reputation and legacy are unblemished!”
  10. “Is it too late to name Ivanka ‘Donaldina‘?”
  11. “I regret mocking Joe Biden for wearing a mask. Not because of the irony, or hypocrisy, or the militant ignorance that led to me getting COVID, but because he now looks smarter than me.”
  12. “Could someone bring me Ted Cruz? I want to cough in his face. If I go down, I want to bring that rat bastard down with me.”
  13. “Don’t let any Christian pastors in here to pray for me no matter how bad I get. That always creeps me out. Also, I have a collusion deal with Satan to take over for God and run things in Heaven my way.”
  14. “Now, you doctors are 100% sure that pouring Drano into a funnel down my butthole won’t clean my system out of COVID? I’m willing to give it a try.”
  15. “If anything happens to me, tell Eric I’m not his real father.”

From The Halfway Post vault:

Follow The Halfway Post, America’s #1 source of satirical news, on Facebook here, Twitter here, Tumblr here, or Instagram here for more liberal comedy, political humor and satire! Also, check out our podcast Brain Milk here!

2 thoughts

  1. Ol’ Donnie boy probably won’t try the drano method himself, but he will probably recommend it to others saying that it works to rid one of ‘the China virus’.


  2. Also, since Trumpies cleverness, super suave skill set, and sophisticated nature clearly won over the debate, and of course, all other debates to follow, it is logical deduction that the Dems must have planted the Covid on him to make him look bad. Evidently, and in the most ‘non-conspiracy’ theorist way, this can be the only rational and acceptable reason…. Period.
    Please post this to Fox News Immediately!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s