Washington D.C.—
President Donald Trump was his usual bombastic self on Twitter this morning insulting our first president, George Washington, and his predecessor, Barack Obama.
He claimed Washington was an idiot who “lacked vision” for not agreeing to be America’s king when offered to stay as president for life.
Then he accused Obama of lying about how much he weighs.
“President Obama lied about his weight on his presidential physicals,” Trump tweeted this morning. “He weighed way more than the low numbers he forced the doctors to write down! I bet that fatty lied about his height, too, to make his BMI number lower! Unlike me, who is 100% transparent and honest with ALL of MY medical records!”
The following are other insults Trump has said about former presidents:
“Jimmy Carter was a peanut farmer? How did a marble-mouthed Southern hillbilly like that ever get elected president? He reminds me of Jeff Sessions who I wake up every morning wanting to strangle for following the law and recusing himself from the Russia investigation!”
“A lot of people don’t know this, but FDR was in a wheelchair. So how did he win so many elections? If I were running against him I would have offered to roll him around for an hour and then rolled him off a cliff or into a busy street when a bus was coming!”
“No President has ever had a daughter as hot as Ivanka! Have you seen portraits of the daughters of all the presidents before 1950? Talk about fugly! None of them are hotter than 6’s! I wouldn’t date any of them!”
“Ha! Bill Clinton and Andrew Johnson got impeached! What losers! How embarrassing. They should have just quit life after that! How could they still show their faces after getting impeached? Impeached presidents should get hit with rotten tomatoes everywhere they go for being so weak!” [Trump said this before he himself was impeached.]
“A lot of people don’t know this, but Thomas Jefferson did the Louisiana Purchase. But he paid way too much! I would have gotten it for so much cheaper. No one does deals better than me! The only reason I haven’t made a new, better Iran Deal, or made a nuclear deal with North Korea, or won the trade war against China, or put together a real infrastructure week, or made Mexico pay for the wall, or made a new Obamacare replacement plan that’s cheaper and covers more people like I said it would is because everything and everyone is rigged against me!”
“John F. Kennedy looked ridiculous with such a fake tan face!”
“All of our former general presidents were idiots. I’m so much better at the military than them. I’m actually sorry the doctors wouldn’t let me go to Vietnam because of the four college deferments and bone spurs. The doctors all said my brain was too big and brilliant to risk in war. They said that I should stay in college to be able to make great real estate deals in the future! They said I had the biggest brain they had ever seen and it would make too big of a target for the Viet Cong!”
“Nixon was a moron for accepting a pardon, which was like admitting blame for the things he did. I’d never accept a pardon, unless the Deep State prosecutes me for any of my tax evasion, wire fraud, money laundering, obstruction of justice, cyber crimes, campaign finance violations, or treason because that’s all fake news! I’d take a pardon for all of that, but I’d still be 100% innocent! Sure, I had four campaign managers in a row get arrested, but that’s just bad luck! And it’s not my fault most of the top people I picked to help me get elected were secretly criminals! Maybe Obama somehow convinced Paul Manafort, Rick Gates, Steve Bannon, Michael Cohen, George Papadopoulos, Mike Flynn, and Roger Stone to convince me to hire them in order to set me up!”
“John Quincy Adams, Martin Van Buren, and Dwight Eisenhower were all bald! What lame presidents! I still have the luscious, bright blonde hair of a teenager, and I don’t even style it at all. How it looks right now is just how I got out of bed this morning!”
President Trump only had something good to say about one president, Abraham Lincoln:
“I respect Abraham Lincoln for the Civil War. Talk about strength! He was lucky he won his elections, though. I’m unlucky because of all the illegal voters who will make me lose before I start my civil war. I wish I could know how many fraud voters there will be ahead of time, but I won’t know until they’re all counted. The exact number of votes I lose to Joe Biden by is the number of illegal voters there are!”
From The Halfway Post vault:
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