Trump Suspiciously Just Mandated Federal Prisons Serve “Big Mac Mondays” And “Filet-O-Fish Fridays”

Washington D.C.—

President Donald Trump today signed a curious executive order mandating all federal prisons serve McDonalds’ fast food for dinner at least twice a week.

Critics of the President speculated the executive order was self-interested, and displayed a clear awareness of the likelihood his criminal conduct both in and out of office would catch up to him post-presidency and land him in prison.

The executive order also mandated the following:

• Fox News to be named the official television channel of federal prisons
• Increased budgetary expenditures for men’s prisons to get as many makeup supplies as women’s prisons get…for gender equality
• Walls built between white prisoners’ areas and Mexican prisoners’ areas
• A full presidential pardon of Ivanka
• One conjugal visit per week for former-president inmates, and a weekly stipend to pay for sex
• The right for prisoners to trade exercise hours for hours on Twitter
• The right to refuse having to share a prison cell with one’s sons

From The Halfway Post vault:

Donald Jr. Hopes In Prison He’ll Finally Earn His Dad’s Respect

Donald Trump Is Reportedly Asking Around What Prison Is Like “For A Friend”

Goebbels The Gerbil Claims His Opponent Belongs In Prison

Donald Jr. Wishes His Dad Would Stop Telling Him “To Take One For The Team” And Go To Prison

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