In Anticipation Of Joe Biden Raising Taxes, Billionaires Are Tearfully Canceling Their Netflix Accounts

St. Louis, MO—

President-Elect Joe Biden campaigned on raising taxes for billionaires, and his election has the 1% concerned about their cash flow.

“I’m prepping my family for some serious belt-tightening,” explained Harold Vandeventer, a billionaire owner of a large hotel chain throughout America. “If Democrats pass their socialist tax increases I may dip under a billion dollars in annual profits. I’m warning my kids that if our family budget gets knocked down to only $900 million, they may have to start bringing paper bag lunches to school. I told my wife to switch all her medications to generic pills, and made my kids choose just one between Netflix, Hulu, and Amazon Prime!”

Other billionaires were taking similar cost-cutting measures.

“I’m very worried about Democrats’ plans to redistribute wealth in America,” said billionaire Richard Yeager. “If they start regulating and taxing the stock market more, I don’t know what I’ll do! I inherited my money from my dad, who inherited his money from my grandpa, and I live off of low-taxed capital gains from stock profits my broker makes me. I’ll be in a real pickle because I have no skills or resumé, and have never worked a day in my life. It’s just so unfair for the government to pick on a little guy like me! I’m already limiting myself to just three yachts, do the liberals want me to have to go down to only two?”

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