Washington D.C.—
A letter President Donald Trump wrote to President-Elect Joe Biden just leaked to The Halfway Post:
Dear Joe,
I’m hearing that you bussed enough illegal immigrants up from Mexico to win enough votes to beat me in the election and steal my job, but just know that I will be watching you and your negotiations with North Korea. I may be leaving office, but I had Kim Jong Un first. I will always love Kim Jong Un, and if you ever hurt him, mark my words: I will come after you. If you mock his haircut publicly, or laugh at his military uniform filled with unearned medals, or imply his penis is small with rocket-related metaphors, or hurt his feelings in any way… you don’t even want to know what I will do. If you ever threaten him, I will ruin you. I don’t care if your DOJ and NY friends and cronies arrest me and imprison me for all the fraud and obstruction of justice and whatnot, I will direct people on the outside to make your life miserable, okay? So treat Kim Jong Un right. You have no idea how lucky you are to have him as a nuclear disarmament negotiating partner. He’s a beautiful, sensitive soul. It brings a tear to my eye just thinking about how much I’m going to miss him… So always remember that I’m watching you. If I hear even a hint that you made Kim Jong Un cry, you’ll be the one crying next. I guarantee it.
Insincerely,
Donald
P.S. Ivanka is off-limits. You can send Eric, Don Jr., Tiffany or Barron to prison if you want, but you better not imprison a hair on my sweet angel’s gorgeous girlfriend-material head!!!
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