Trump Claims After January 20th He’ll Be Doing A Lot Of Reading, Praying, And Sports With Barron

Washington D.C.—

Trump’s tweets today:

“I made America so great that Joe Biden cheated more than anyone in history to take over being President and take credit for my unbelievable accomplishments! What a jerk! I’d never take credit for the accomplishments of my predecessor! SAD!”

“But I’m okay with having free time anyway. I can’t wait until I can read for pleasure again! Being President really got in the way of my intense Biblical studies. No one loves deep dives into Biblical texts more than me! You know, a lot of people don’t know this, but the pronunciation of ‘Bible’ is actually correct when it rhymes with ‘libel,’ and not ‘dribble,’ which I totally have always known!”

“And I can’t wait to have more free time for prayer as well! That was me and Melania’s favorite thing to do as a couple back before I got elected! But she takes my job as POTUS very seriously. In fact, every time she swats my hand away it’s only because I want to try and grab her hand to sneak a moment to pray…”

“…But she hits my hand away as a reminder to stay focused on America while I’m President. God is very understanding about this, and no one wants me to Make America Great Again more than Jesus and God! But come January 20th, me and Melania might just be holding hands and praying together all day for weeks straight to make up for all the lost prayers!”

“And I can’t forget about Barron. I’m very excited to play sports with him! Being President keeps me too busy all day to even say hi to him most days. But he loves challenging me in basketball, soccer, and track races because I’m so fast! He says I’m way faster and quicker on my feet than his high school friends!”

“So Joe Biden can have the Presidency if he wants it so bad, I’m going to focus on the great obsessions of my life that I’m famous for: indulging my intellectual curiosity with intense Bible study, prayer with the wife I’m totally faithful to, and my male children!”

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