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- Top White House officials are reportedly concerned that Trump keeps announcing nonexistent deals with Iran because he falls asleep every 20 minutes and can no longer discern reality from his dreams.
- Albanian regulators say Jared and Ivanka’s island resort having 10,000 rooms and villas is “ludicrously uneconomical” and “classic Trumpian hubris that will go bankrupt immediately unless its real purpose is facilitating offshore money-laundering for the Epstein class.”
- Health officials are rushing to conduct tests for lead contamination and other toxic chemical leaks throughout South Carolina after the state just incomprehensibly renominated Lindsey Graham for the Senate.
- Bari Weiss is reportedly excited to oversee CNN’s transition to new owners, and says she can’t wait to cut the audience in half, pressure the most respected and veteran journalists to leave, and ruin its brand.
- Jared Kushner is reportedly stockpiling as much foreign money as he can because he knows that when his father-in-law dies and he loses his political connections he and Ivanka will have to start relying on their own talents and intelligence, and will go bankrupt.
- An online petition asking the governments of Saudi Arabia, UAE, and Qatar to withdraw all the money they’ve given to Jared Kushner’s investment fund (that he sank into their stalled Albanian island resort) so he and Ivanka go bankrupt just hit 50 million signatures.
- The soldiers preparing to deploy to Kharg Island are reportedly distributing homemade uniform patches that say “Epstein Corps” and “In pedophiles we trust” because Trump’s invasion is a distraction from new reporting that his staffers covered up his Epstein complicity.
- The White House is now putting remotely controlled vibrators underneath every chair Donald Trump sits in so they can wake him up during meetings and press conferences.
- The Knicks came back from a 29-point deficit during Wednesday’s game because it took about three quarters of the game for Trump’s body odor to dissipate from his attendance at Monday’s game and no longer distract the Knicks players.
- Stephen Miller is reportedly furious Trump is moving forward with an invasion of Kharg Island because he wants US soldiers invading American cities, not Iranian ones.
- Fox News is reportedly alarmed that focus group testing of their negative coverage of Zohran Mamdani’s policies is actually making their viewers approve of his progressive mayoral administration more rather than less.
- Mike Johnson is reportedly demanding his staff keep all TVs in his office turned off so he won’t see any news about Trump’s Congressionally unauthorized invasion of Kharg Island or the Trump Administration’s dozen Epstein cover up meetings in case the media asks him
- JD Vance is reportedly worried his involvement in dozens of White House meetings about how to cover up and lie to the public about Trump’s complicity in Epstein’s pedohpile sex-trafficking will hurt his 2028 presidential campaign.
- Stephen Miller reportedly has mixed feelings about the birth of his 4th child because, while he’s happy to have another kid, he’s a little worried that his wife is slimming down again and becoming a smaller human shield for him.A MAGA merch store has
- The 2028 Republican platform is going to essentially be that Trump spent all our money on a disastrous war of choice in Iran so now we need to cut Social Security, Medicare, Food Stamps, and education funding.
- Todd Blanche is reportedly hoping Republicans don’t ask him in his AG confirmation hearings about the White House meetings he led on how to intentionally mislead and lie to America about the Epstein Files, and cover up Trump’s participation in the sex-trafficking.
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If you think Donald Trump is a joke, I published three books for you: Satire In The Trump Years, Satire In The Biden Years, and Trump Comedy.
I’ve also published four existentialist poetry books, Cabaret No Stare, Moon Goon, Hotel Golden Hours, and Nostradoofus.
The Halfway Post 