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I had a great Brain Milk podcast chat with Zach Custer of Second Rate Cities about traveling across the US and the interesting and unique vibes of less famous big US cities: Dash Talks With Zach Custer.
Now to the Dada news!
- Several bars in Louisville, Kentucky are offering turtle-themed cocktails they say will stay on the menu until the GOP admits Mitch McConnell is dead.
- Donald Trump is reportedly furious with Todd Blanche because Katie Phang’s lawsuit is threatening to blow up the entire Epstein Files cover up.
- A new poll found that 87% of Americans are worried Donald Trump will try to attend a World Cup match and then doom the USA team with his sports curse.
- SCOREBOARD ALERT: Trump and Mitch McConnell have had more strokes than pedophiles have been prosecuted for the Epstein Files.
- Stephen Miller’s children reportedly love movies about Dracula because they think it’s their dad.
- Mitch McConnell’s will reportedly specifies that his body should be cremated and his ashes spread on the Galápagos Islands “to nourish the soil that grows the plants the giant tortoises eat.”
- FIFA is reportedly making duplicate World Cup trophies because they suspect Trump will take at least one during the award ceremony.
- Trump is reportedly injecting himself into the World Cup because he hopes it will distract from Katie Phang’s lawsuit slowly but surely unraveling the Todd Blanche coverup of the Epstein Files.
- Mitch McConnell’s staffers say he’s working “remotely,” but won’t specify if that work is “material” or “metaphysical.”
- Anti-immigrant Republicans say they are beginning to feel “duped” after realizing Mitch McConnell’s wife is Chinese, JD Vance’s wife is Indian, Trump’s wife is Slovenian, and Trump has been accused of profiting off Russian birth tourism for decades.
- Mitch McConnell has turned the Senate gerontocracy into a corpsentocracy.
- Eric Trump is reportedly wondering if it’s a bad time — considering his dad just publicly threatened FIFA to reinstate Folarin Balogun in the match against Belgium — to start cold texting FIFA officials to ask if there are any rigged games left he can bet on.
- FIFA officials are reportedly furious with Donald Trump for injecting himself into the Balogun controversy in public “like a low-class peasant,” and not quietly doing the corruption in the background with dignity like the “civilized Europeans and South Americans.”
- Nurses at Mitch McConnell’s hospital bedside say they’ve yelled into his ears, “There’s a Black president trying to fill a Supreme Court vacancy!” and he didn’t stir at all.
- Kentucky Republicans are reportedly planning to protest in downtown Louisville tomorrow night because Mitch McConnell’s incapacitation means they’re not getting their full Senate representation.
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If you think Donald Trump is a joke, I published three books for you: Satire In The Trump Years, Satire In The Biden Years, and Trump Comedy.
I’ve also published four existentialist poetry books, Cabaret No Stare, Moon Goon, Hotel Golden Hours, and Nostradoofus.
The Halfway Post 