Help me make fun of the Trump Administration all day long. Become a paid subscriber to support me for just $2.50 a month.
- Medical experts have named the ongoing wave of diarrhea from contaminated food infecting thousands of Americans this summer “Elon’s Curse” in homage to Mexico’s diarrheal “Aztec Curse” because it’s almost certainly caused by DOGE’s negligent cuts to US food safety agencies.
- The American Association of Turtle Advocates is reportedly worried they’ll never have as loyal an ally in Congress as Mitch McConnell ever again.
- The Grindr headquarters reportedly brought in an “emotional support twink” to the office today to console everyone after Lindsey Graham’s sudden, shocking death.
- BREAKING NEWS: All of Lindsey Graham’s NDAs just expired.
- Several top gay dating apps have reportedly put the flags outside their office buildings at half-mast this week.
- Kash Patel has reportedly assured Trump he’ll focus 110% on preventing Iranian assassination attempts as soon as he gets back from seeing his girlfriend sing the National Anthem at an amateur hockey game in Decatur, IL this weekend.
- There has reportedly been mass confusion all week at the White House every time a staffer mentions diarrhea because they have to clarify if they’re talking about Trump’s diaper or the Cyclosporiasis epidemic.
- Lindsey Graham is now facing his biggest fear: seeing John McCain after years of sucking up to Trump. RIP to the most blackmailable person in the Senate.
- Political insiders claim Mitch McConnell’s failing health has put a damper on the D.C. swinger scene because McConnell’s octogenarian sex parties in his basement “f*ck dungeon” were the “hottest orgies in town.”
- Trump has reportedly had an “Ebenezer Scrooge style epiphany” following the deaths of Senators McConnell and Graham, and Trump is now reportedly ending all ICE raids, dropping the DOJ prosecutions of his critics, and donating all his crypto profits to charity.
- Halloween costume stores are suspecting many gay men will be dressing up as Lindsey Graham for Halloween this year.
- Elaine Chao says she just had tantric sex with Mitch McConnell for 20 minutes this morning.
- A White House staffer reportedly told Trump, “I have good news and bad news… the good news is something new just got named after you. The bad news is everyone is calling the diarrhea epidemic ‘Trumporrhea.’”
- An anonymous person reportedly dropped off 6 pet turtles at the Louisville Turtle Rescue & Adoption Center this afternoon saying their owner was “too busy with 20-minute phone calls to care for them anymore.”
- Mitch McConnell reportedly keeps talking deliriously in his hospital bed about an East German hooker from the 80s who first indulged his turtle fantasies.
- If you enjoy my warped sense of humor, become a paid subscriber to support my comedy that so relentlessly mocks the Trump Administration every day for just $2.50 a month! 🥃
☕️ Or buy me a coffee if you want to help keep me caffeinated.
Our social media platforms are getting scrambled by oligarchs so if you like my writing, diversify where you follow me so you never miss my jokes to interrupt your doomscrolling: Threads, Twitter, Bluesky, Facebook, Instagram, Spoutible, Medium, and Substack.
If you think Donald Trump is a joke, I published three books for you: Satire In The Trump Years, Satire In The Biden Years, and Trump Comedy.
I’ve also published four existentialist poetry books, Cabaret No Stare, Moon Goon, Hotel Golden Hours, and Nostradoofus.
The Halfway Post 