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- Executives at Vanity Fair reportedly burst out laughing for 6 minutes straight after Jared Kushner vowed to sue them because in discovery they’d get to see all his other foreign bank accounts, bribes, money laundering schemes, texts, emails, and evidence of treason.
- The GOP Closetocracy is reportedly hosting a party night to celebrate their relief that the big reveal of a sitting senator who paid male escorts was just Lindsey Graham, and none of the 6 still living ones.
- White House doctors say that if Trump’s rallies keep getting interrupted by protesters he could have a stroke right on stage.
- Republican Senate candidates’ poll numbers are plummeting so low Trump is reportedly going to do a rally in the Mississippi county with more KKK members and pedophiles per capita than anywhere else in the US, which just turned from “solid red” to “leans red.”
- Top GOP officials are reportedly pissed Jared Kushner isn’t spending any of his arguably treasonous, FARA-Act-violating bribe money on Republicans’ Senate campaigns when literally no one in America needs a justice-obstructing Republican Congress more than him.
- Shareholders of Tesla, SpaceX, and Starlink are calling for Elon Musk to resign or sell the companies because his political radicalism has obliterated Tesla’s branding and wrecked its profitability, led to widespread support for nationalizing SpaceX, and made foreign nations want to boycott Starlink.
- Ohio’s most famous fortune teller says Vivek Ramaswamy will never set foot in Ohio again if he loses his governor race.
- America’s right wing comedians are reportedly worried that if Democrats win back both the House and Senate they won’t be able to say “retard” anymore, again.
- Law firms are reportedly offering Matthew Cole, the writer of the money laundering exposé on Jared Kushner, unlimited free legal services to counter-sue Kushner for his libel accusations so, when Jared inevitably drops his suit, legal discovery can still occur.
- Trump is reportedly worried Natalie Harp will sabotage any other appointments he makes of young, blonde women to his administration.
- A new study found that 83% of self-described “Christian nationalists” are grifters pivoting from sexual assault allegations, repressed closeted gay men, or pedophiles.
- Tesla shareholders are reportedly furious Elon Musk is destroying what little brand integrity Tesla has left by injecting hundreds of millions of dollars to pay for this midterm cycle’s most sociopathic, hail mary election ads by Ken Paxton Vivek Ramaswamyand dumpster fire campaigns.
- Ivanka Trump is reportedly as surprised as everyone else to read the reporting that her husband’s finances are not on the up and up.
Which headline was your favorite? Tell me in the comments!
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