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- The American Comedy Association just named Jared Kushner’s threat to sue Simon & Schuster and open up his financial records to legal scrutiny in the lawsuit’s discovery phase as “2026’s funniest joke.”
- MAGA fans across America who will never read Matthew Cole’s upcoming book, or ever read a news article printed by a media company that doesn’t have the words “freedom” or “patriot” in its name, are asking, “Where’s the evidence of Jared’s alleged money laundering?”
- The feminist mafia who call themselves “The Clitorati” are reportedly going to drag Vivek Ramaswamy into a dark alley and teach him “a real penetrating lesson” about his awful rape ad after he loses.
- A reporter asked Mike Johnson today, “Should we bother asking you a question about Jared Kushner treasonously manipulating US foreign policy behind Marco Rubio’s back with billions in laundered bribes sitting in secret bank accounts, or have you not heard about it yet?”
- Vivek Ramaswamy’s corporate donors are facing a massive boycott over helping finance his rape ad.
- JD Vance’s office is reportedly receiving hundreds of letters a day from people mailing him news stories about Donald Trump’s corruption after Vance claimed he hasn’t seen any evidence of Trump enriching himself.
- A reporter asked Donald Trump, “Since you’re accusing Abdul El-Sayed of being in the Muslim Brotherhood because of his mom, does that mean you’re in the KKK because your dad got arrested at a Klan rally?” to which Trump stared for a few seconds, frowned, and then said, “No.”
- Ivanka Trump is reportedly as surprised as everyone else to read the reporting that her husband’s finances are not on the up and up.
- Top GOP officials are reportedly pissed Jared Kushner isn’t spending any of his arguably treasonous, FARA-Act-violating bribe money on Republicans’ Senate campaigns when literally no one in America needs a justice-obstructing Republican Congress more than him.
- Republican Senate candidates are reportedly terrified journalists will start asking them if they disavow Nazis, the Klan, pedophiles, and rapists like they keep asking Abdul El-Sayed to disavow the Muslim Brotherhood, a group he does not and has never belonged to, because they need every vote they can get.
- Ivanka Trump is reportedly pissed because Jared Kushner’s historic allegations of nonstop money laundering, bribery, and treasonous foreign policy subterfuge will force them to move to Israel and live in exile.
- Donald Trump is reportedly beginning to worry his policies of never regulating AI will make people blame him when the AI agents steal every bit of private information on the entire internet and hack into every bank bwebsite and steal everyone’s money.
- Jared Kushner is reportedly asking Republican members of Congress if now is a “bad time” to bring up a little Azerbaijan deal he’s been working on for a few months.
Which headline was your favorite? Tell me in the comments!
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