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- College professors of campaign marketing courses have reportedly added Vivek Ramaswamy’s rapist-apologist ad to their syllabus’s first day 101 lecture on what NOT to do.
- Trump’s cabinet secretaries are so unpopular that their staffers are reportedly setting up secret cameras throughout their buildings to catch on film Todd Blanche, Pete Hegseth, and Kash Pate burning records and destroying evidence of their corruption and crimes.
- A new poll found that 94% of Democrats think Trump is extremely lucky Barack Obama has dignity and class, and doesn’t spend 20 minutes at every Democratic rally riffing about how Trump is a dirty-diaper-wearing lardass with bigger tits than the Mar-a-Lago-faced implanted freaks hanging around him.
- Several restaurants in D.C. are reportedly offering a new “Lame Duck Trump” lunch special that serves an appetizer of roasted duck paired with a cocktail made of Ukrainian vodka and orange juice.
- A person linked to an Ohio GOP-aligned dark money group funded by Elon Musk to boost Vivek Ramaswamy is reportedly offering meth to any homeless person on the street in downtown Cleveland who will go on camera and make up more lies about Democratic governor candidate Amy Acton’s childhood.
- A new poll found that 94% of Americans feel bad for the troops because Pete Hegseth is making his testosterone and masculinity problems their problem, and Trump might order them to invade Iran because Israel has depraved tapes of him preying on unsupervised teen girls.
- Trump reportedly canceled all his remaining campaign events because his staff looked into the social media profiles of the RSVPs and it looked like at least a third of the attendees were hardcore liberals intending to yell instantly viral insults at him.
- There is reportedly a debate among JD Vance’s staffers about what to do if Trump resigns after the midterms, with some arguing the administration is “such a corrupt dumpster fire” to inherit that the only hope for success or legacy would be to fire everyone, hire a new administration based on competence instead of slavish loyalty or bimbo phyiscal appearance, and refuse to pardon Trump because the evidence against him certain to come out will instantly make it the Vance’s presidency’s original sin.
- Democratic opertives are reportedly hiring “handome men with giant butts” to attend Trump’s last events to distract him.
- The White House hasn’t yet denied that Trump is skipping all his next campaign rallies because he’s needing another one of his marathon IV health interventions that miraculously have kept his fat ass alive but turn half his hands purple.
- Vivek Ramaswamy hasn’t yet denied that, if he loses, he plans to put his house on the market the next day, fly his private jet far away from Ohio, and never set foot in the state again.
Which headline was your favorite? Tell me in the comments!
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