New York, NY—
Following the viral controversy of revelations that Donald Trump Jr. invited Jared Kushner and former Trump campaign manager Paul Manafort to a Trump Tower meeting with a Russian lawyer connected to President Vladimir Putin back in June, the Russiagate scandal Trump officials have long denied seems more legitimate than ever.
Donald Jr. allegedly organized the meeting in order to receive information that could hurt Hillary Clinton in the election, an act which many commentators suggest proves the Trump team was eager to collude with Russia in order to win the election.
Donald Jr. changed his account of the meeting multiple times in the last couple days, but his story-altering only seems to damage his credibility further.
It is unknown if President Donald Trump is angry about the news, particularly because Donald Jr.’s statements seem to cast doubt on his staff’s months’ worth of denials on the allegations of Russian collusion, but The Halfway Post has learned that the scandal has made Donald Jr.’s brother, Eric Trump, ecstatic.
“This means I am the smart one now!” Eric reportedly told a Trump Organization board member, who has requested anonymity in order to talk about the personal matter.
“Eric has always hated being second fiddle to his brother, and thought it was unfair that Donald Jr. got his father’s name,” said the board member. “Growing up, the family always said Donald Jr. had the smarts, and Eric had the looks, but now Eric has been running through the Trump Tower hallways telling anyone within hearing distance that now he had the looks and the brains.”
The board members were reportedly worried about yet another Trump Organization senior level shakeup in the event of President Trump firing his son from his CEO role, and hoped that if Trump actually did fire Donald Jr. he would not replace him with Eric.
“The blatant nepotism has not been good for the company,” said another anonymous board member who leaked his opinions to The Halfway Post in the hopes that they would influence President Trump. “To be perfectly honest, neither Eric nor Donald Jr. have any business running a McDonalds franchise, let alone a multi-billion dollar, global company. They’re like King Midas, but instead of turning everything they touch into gold, everything they involve themselves in quickly becomes a dumpster fire. However—in their defense—I suppose that when you’re third-generation rich and handed a position in the family company right out of the womb, you don’t exactly have a chance to develop business talent or experience because everything is just handed to you. But still, the childishness has gotten out of control. They tell nonstop ‘that’s what she said’ jokes, their powerpoint presentations to potential clients have more slide change animations than actual information, and for some reason they’re always buying authentic medieval swords and practicing the choreography to Lord of the Rings battle scenes in the break room when they should be analyzing business deals.”
Only time will tell whether Donald Jr. will keep his position as the Trump Organization CEO, but the first board member quoted told The Halfway Post that Donald Jr. is annoyed that Eric is making such a big deal about the scandal.
“Yeah, Eric?” the board member said was Donald Jr.’s comeback to Eric’s taunts. “Well your children’s cancer charity got caught funneling money into the Trump company, so you’re stupid, too!”
Simmer down, boys.
(Photo courtesy of Disney/ABC Television.)