BREAKING: Ted Cruz Deported By Donald Trump’s ICE

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Washington D.C.—

The Halfway Post has just learned that ICE has arrested Texas Senator Ted Cruz, who was born in Canada to Cuban immigrants living in America.

Senator Cruz could issue only a brief statement while being walked in to a D.C. jail. “I’m a real American, and my story is different than all the other people whose stories are just like mine. My life story may sound exactly like any Dreamer’s life, but it’s way different! I promise I’m not a hypocrite!”

Then the agents guiding him inside accidentally lead Mr. Cruz right into the doorway’s dividing pole.

Meanwhile, ICE is currently following in the footsteps of the early-year Nazi German brownshirts, but hopefully they don’t hear that…because then probably they would start acting even more like brownshirts to get back at us.

UPDATE:

From a prison telephone, Senator Ted Cruz issued another statement:

“The President seems to be under the mistaken perception that I am Mexican, when, in fact, I am Cuban. I have been told that Stephen Miller had something to do with this mix up. However, since I will soon be deported, I think at last I understand how wrong my immigration views have been my entire political career. Now that the consequences of increasingly radical xenophobia have personally affected me, I can finally sympathize with the Dreamers. I will be running for reelection as a Democrat in order to better achieve my goal of opening the border back up for myself.”

(Picture courtesy of Gage Skidmore.)

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