Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg promised today that retirement has not been on her mind.
“I’m not slowing down at all,” she explained. “In fact, I’m speeding up. As my mortal flesh decays and pieces of my body fall off, I replace them with digitally connected and autonomously mobile cyber-tech body parts. One of my arms, one of my eyes, and my washboard abs have all now been replaced with artificial biology, and—along with unnaturally extending my lifespan to avoid being replaced by a Republican president—these additions to my human form are made from a titanium alloy that is indestructible even from excessive heat, cold, and 120 pounds per square inch of pressure. Donald Trump has no chance of nominating my replacement, I guarantee it. I have no plans to move on from the Supreme Court until at least 2035.”