First Lady Melania Trump has unveiled the next initiative of her “Be Best” campaign by announcing that she and President Donald Trump would be adopting an 8-year-old Guatemalan migrant child.
The First Lady explained that it was her way of leading by example how to “Be Best.”
“Donald and I have such big hearts,” said Mrs. Trump in a press conference today, “And that is why we are employing this boy at the Trump Organization so that he can save up money to maybe someday attend a community college…as long as he puts his earnings in a savings account and doesn’t try to send any of his profits to his destitute, still imprisoned parents, brothers or sisters.”
President Donald Trump also made a brief statement about the adoption before boarding his Marine One helicopter.
“Melania and I are so proud to adopt, uh, little Roberto,” the President said. “We’ve freed him from the cage–I mean the non-cage detention facility that happens to be a tent inside a fenced-in encampment under the highway overpass, and he’s like my latest little apprentice. I just hope he works hard so I don’t have to fire him. ‘You’re fired!’ I hope I won’t have to say that in this case. But he’s a good little boy, and, uh, Felipe will make a great addition at Trump Tower. He’s going to start off doing some janitor work, and who knows…maybe he’ll work his way up the chain and become an executive like Ivanka. You know, he probably can’t be worse than Donald Jr. There’s no way he’ll be worse than Eric. So, yeah, Melania and I are very proud to have Jose join our family. It’s so funny watching him get used to our family. There’s a lot of half-brothers and sisters he has to meet, if you know what I mean…I’ve fractured a lot of my own families is what I mean. Anyway, Ricardo, if you’re watching this right now, we love you. Who am I kidding, he’s probably cleaning the toilets in Trump Tower right now. Oh, look at the time! Gotta go hit the golf course, I mean start my executive time. Yeah, lot of very important business calls I gotta make for the country. Definitely not going to be watching Fox News, no way. I am way too busy for that. Thanks, everyone!”