According to an anonymous member of Vice President Mike Pence’s staff, the VP has been depressed that Democrats aren’t moving fast enough on impeaching President Donald Trump, and he worries he may never get to be President himself.
To cheer himself up, Mr. Pence has reportedly spent much of his time over the last few months writing musicals with big dance numbers inspired by his favorite show tunes.
“Mike has been super down in the dumps because it seems like Donald Trump may finish out his term,” explained the aide, “But he has kept himself busy editing and perfecting these various musical theatre scripts he’s been accumulating since college. I’m happy that it makes him happy, but I must confess that I’ve been a little surprised at how homoerotic some of these scripts are. Most of the characters he writes are firefighters, construction workers, greasy car mechanics or Olympic divers, and, well, I don’t believe he’s written a single female character in the sixteen or so plays he’s shown me to read.”
The Vice President is also reportedly trying to shop his scripts around to New York City Broadway producers, but has only gotten nibbles of interest so far.
“Mike really wishes his musicals would get picked up by some theater company, but understands why they might want to wait until after he’s out of office to produce his work. In the meantime, he’s been furiously working on the orchestration for what he says is the most beautiful musical he’s ever written. He’s been keeping this one a secret, and would only tell me its title, which is ‘That Summer In 1975 With Brad Where It Happened.’ I told him he may want to think about making the title a little less ambiguous, but he told me everything would make sense when he finally lets me read it. I asked him when that time would come, and he cryptically told me that either when he dies or his wife dies, leaving him a chance to ‘start over.’ Those were his words…”