Washington D.C.—
According to White House insiders, President Donald Trump has recently been asking his lawyers, political advisers, and casual Mar-a-Lago acquaintances what prison is like, but Mr. Trump reportedly has been insisting that he is only asking “for a friend.”
“I was quite shocked by the president’s question at first,” said Trump’s lead impeachment defense attorney Sebastian Ligowitz. “Because the President all along has been adamant that he’s 100% innocent of any and all wrong-doing, whether it’s the collusion, extortion, obstruction, fraud, emoluments violations, campaign finance violations, or rapes, but the President assured me that he was not asking due to any concern for his own future. He told me several times that a friend of his is curious what prison is like, and that if I described prison to him, he’d pass it on to that friend. This was a big relief for me, so I told him about some of my former clients who lost their cases and were spending the rest of their lives in prison. I described the difficulties and challenges and even some of the dangers that come with a prison sentence, at which point the President threw up all over me and himself. He said his sudden sickness wasn’t anything to do with his legal proceedings, but that he must have had a bad McDonalds burger for lunch or something.”
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