Trump Says Obama Didn’t Leave Him Even 1 COVID19 Testing Kit

Washington D.C.—

President Donald Trump published a bizarre Twitter thread today:

“Coronavirus is not my fault! Obama didn’t even leave me one COVID19 test! He’s so lazy, he stopped getting tests at only #16! There were 3 more to go! We opened the cupboard for a #19 test, but it was totally bare. All that was in there was a big stack of unread binders about how to prevent diseases around the world, but we can’t test someone for coronavirus with those!”

“It’s the same thing with the military! When I took office, there was no ammo. Our troops had no guns and no uniforms. Our military clothed themselves in garbage bags for coats, and kleenex boxes for boots. There were no tanks or jeeps, so our troops had to go into battle carrying each other piggy-back style.”

“The Navy had no gas or coal to power their ships! We had to point our destroyers in the direction of the Middle East and hope the current took them in that direction. And our airplanes had no missiles. We had to load up our planes with vegetables from Michelle’s dumb garden and drop those on terrorists!”

“And our brave Marines only had rocks and sticks to fight with! I asked the generals why our military had nothing, and they said it was because no one was smart enough to buy bullets until I became President! They said they couldn’t believe how good at the military I was, and that I should have done army instead of business and dealmaking!”

“Obama left the military in such bad shape! The generals said Obama ordered all our troops to hit themselves in their heads with hammers, and that they were so relieved when I took over so that I could order them to fight ISIS instead! They said I might be the greatest Commander-in-Chief of all time!”

“And Obama left us no computers! He gave them all to Iran and ISIS with all our money! There were no pens or pencils, either! He gave all those to his family in Kenya. We had literally nothing! It’s amazing I’ve accomplished more than any other President even after having to rebuild all of DC from scratch after Obama left us with nothing!”

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