New Book About Melania Trump Alleges Ivanka Told Her “I Had Donald First”

Washington D.C.—

According to a leaked copy of the new book detailing what it was like to work for Melania Trump, the First Lady has had quite some fights with President Trump’s daughter Ivanka.

The book is entitled Melania & Me: The Rise and Fall Of A Wife Who Could Never Be For Trump What Ivanka Is, and the following is an excerpt:

“The Trump family problems were never laid more bare than the day Melania came crying into her office. We asked what was wrong, and, at first, she’d only tell us that she was going to bribe Ivanka’s plastic surgeon to botch her step-daughter’s next facial reconstruction job. Melania beat her fists on her desk, and slowly began to open up. She told us that she was furious because Donald kept requesting she dye her hair platinum blonde like Ivanka’s, and that he couldn’t understand why she refused. Then she told us that every time she looks at Donald’s browser history on his computer it’s filled with searches like ‘Ivanka nipslip’ and ‘Ivanka chilly UN.’ Then she called Ivanka a ‘total snake,’ and told us that when she first got engaged to Donald that Ivanka told her Donald had been hers first. She started crying even more, but then all of a sudden started laughing. She told us that she had been getting revenge on Ivanka for years in very sly ways. Melania said she had been sneaking estrogen powder into Jared Kushner’s coffees at the White House to make him more effeminate. Then Melania started maniacally laughing like a mad scientist, and revealed that she had periodically replaced Ivanka’s birth control pills so that they were all placebo pills and Ivanka would have more children than she wanted. She told us Ivanka had been very vocal about only wanting one child, but now she had three. The smile on Melania’s face literally gave me chills. The Trump family is really f***ed up.”

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