Melania Trump Reportedly Left A Dozen Rats Inside Ivanka’s White House Office

Washington D.C.—

According to White House insiders, the feud between Melania Trump and her step-daughter Ivanka has heated up in recent weeks.

Melania has reportedly been upset about Ivanka always getting more attention from her husband than her, and has recently begun making her feelings about Ivanka known.

“It has gotten way out of hand,” explained a White House staffer, who requested anonymity to discuss the chaos between the First Lady and the President’s oldest daughter. “Melania snuck into Ivanka’s office the other night and left a dozen rats she had purchased from a local pet store. Then she took a can of red spray paint and wrote ‘Eat up, you snake!’ several times on the walls. This was Melania’s revenge from an incident a week ago when Ivanka took some of the cockroaches from the terrarium in Stephen Miller’s office and left them in Melania’s bed in the White House residence, which of course is separate from the bedroom where the President sleeps. Ivanka also left several printed, glossy photos of herself with her father when she was a teenager where she was sitting on his lap in a very creepy, inappropriate way. I have never seen the First Lady more furious. And the President refuses to get involved. He says it’s ‘sexy’ that the two of them are fighting over him. He said he didn’t think Melania had it in her, and is interested to see how far they’ll take it. But it’s becoming a substantial waste of taxpayer money to fix the damage they’re doing. This morning Ivanka ran through the freshly planted flowers in the Rose Garden that Melania had just finished renovating, and destroyed lots of the flowers kicking them and cutting them with a pair of scissors. Then at lunch while Ivanka was eating Melania came up behind her and spit gum into Ivanka’s hair and sprayed ketchup all over Ivanka’s dress. Melania yelled that Donald would really be attracted to Ivanka now, which made Ivanka stand up and slap Melania in the face so hard it left a handprint on her cheek. But then Melania started laughing maniacally, and revealed that she had periodically snuck into Ivanka’s purse and replaced her birth control pills so that they were all placebo pills and Ivanka would have more children than she wanted. Ivanka screamed that she had only wanted one kid, but now had three, and that Melania had ruined her life. The smile on Melania’s face as she said ‘The kids will keep you too busy for Donald’ literally gave me chills. The Trump family is really f***ed up. I’m going public with this because their fighting has got to stop. I’m terrified how much further this will escalate! Their feud is approaching Godfather-calibur stuff.”

From The Halfway Post vault:

Follow The Halfway Post, America’s #1 source of satirical news, on Facebook here, Twitter here, Tumblr here, or Instagram here for more liberal comedy, political humor and satire! Also, check out our podcast Brain Milk here!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s