Washington D.C.—
According to the upcoming memoir written by Melania Trump’s former best friend, the First Lady has been sneakily crushing estrogen pills and stirring them into Jared Kushner’s coffees at the White House.
The memoir claims Melania has been doing this for years to get back at Ivanka, who she feels inappropriately tempts her husband, President Donald Trump.
The following is an excerpt from the memoir, entitled Melania & Me:
“The First Lady was always jealous of Ivanka, and she had good reason. Donald bought Ivanka a bigger ‘daughter ring’ than the engagement ring he bought Melania; Donald would send late night sexts to Melania, and after she responded Donald would text ‘Oh, sorry, that was meant for Ivanka’; and Donald never went on television bragging about her body, only Ivanka’s physique. Melania used to come to me anytime she got upset about Donald’s clear attraction for his daughter, and together we’d plot how to get revenge.”
The memoir then details their longest-running revenge tactic.
“As you know, the President has had a long string of coffee boys because they were always getting arrested for various crimes—from George Papadopoulos, to Carter Page, to Rick Gates, to Paul Manafort, to Steve Bannon, to Roger Stone—and Melania used the incredibly high turnover rate of coffee boys to her advantage. She’d explain to each new coffee boy how Donald, Ivanka, and Jared each liked their coffee, and that Jared Kushner likes a very specific sugar in his. Then Melania would show them a special container which didn’t actually contain sugar, but instead contained ground up estrogen pills Melania and I made sure never ran low. We started off adding just a little bit ourselves to make sure Jared didn’t notice anything, and then we added a little more each day as he got used to the flavor until we were up to two spoonfuls per coffee. At that point we let the coffee boys do it for us, and no one ever expected our scheme! That’s why Jared is such a scrawny little man, his voice is pitched so high, and he is physiologically unable to add any muscle. He also turned very emotional, and Ivanka is incredibly embarrassed by him. She wants a big, strong man by her side for when she runs for president in 2024, but instead she has a girly skinny husband. I have never seen someone so ruthless with revenge as Melania!”
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