Washington D.C.—
Presidential adviser Kellyanne Conway today addressed rumors that President Donald Trump had suffered several mini-strokes.
“The President is not suffering from any brain problems,” Conway said. “He is not having mini-strokes. He is merely experiencing alternative brain waves. Sometimes they make him lose balance, sometimes they make him have to check into Walter Reed hospital mysteriously for routine physicals that can’t be released because the IRS is auditing them, and other times he may need to grab on to a general while shuffling his feet slowly down a little ramp, but the president’s brain has never been smarter, quicker, or more agile. It’s just the fake news back at it again. The only way President Trump would ever have a mini-stroke is if someone took out his brain and replaced it with Joe Biden’s brain. If that happened in some kind of Frankenstein-esque situation, then President Trump would be having mini-strokes all the time. Giant strokes. The biggest strokes of all time. So stop saying the President has mini-strokes. It’s disrespectful and ageist. They’re merely alternative brain waves, and they’re what allow the President to win so much, and make America so great. If Joe Biden had alternative brain waves half as brilliant as the President, maybe Joe Biden would come out of the basement.”
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