New York City, NY—
Rudy Giuliani this morning published several mysterious tweets apparently alleging past alien abductions and anal probings. The following are Mr. Giuliani’s tweets:
“The aliens came back last night, but they were not gentle like they promised they would be! They got right up in there with no decency or foreplay to stretch things out a bit! I told them last time I wasn’t just a piece of meat for them to poke and probe and monitor internally, and now I’m serious! No more! I’m cutting them off!”
“If the aliens come back again I’ll be ready for them! Starting tonight, I’m sleeping with a shotgun under my pillow! From now on, Rudolph William Louis Giuliani’s sphincter is only an exit, not an entrance for their spindly little green fingers and metal machinery! They don’t even warm up the metal boxes first before jamming them up there! They have no bedside manner!”
“And I’m sick of the beeping! If they have inter-galactic technology, why can’t they build an anal probe that’s quiet instead of beeping audibly every 5 minutes! It’s driving me crazy! So mark my words, my anus will no longer be their biology experiment! They can go anal probe some other schmuck! I’ve been extra-terrestrially sodomized for the LAST TIME!”
The tweets were displayed on Mr. Giuliani’s Twitter account this morning from 3:51am to 7:21am before they were apparently deleted.
From The Halfway Post vault:
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