Susan Collins Vows To Use Harsher Words Than “Troubling” To Describe Trump If He Loses

(Picture courtesy of Gage Skidmore.)

Washington D.C.—

Maine Senator Susan Collins today vowed to take her gloves off rhetorically if either she or President Donald Trump loses reelection.

“If the President or I lose, and his MAGA supporters’ continued approval is no longer relevant to my life,” said Collins to The Halfway Post, “I will really unload on what I believe are the President’s moral shortcomings, administrative failures, and patriotic threats. I will use words much more profane and colorful than ‘troubled’ and ‘concerned,’ I guarantee that. If Trump loses, you can expect me to really speak my mind, and use much stronger words, such as ‘horrified,’ ‘disgusted’ and ‘repulsed!’ In fact, I may even be so impish as to say that ‘President Donald Trump is a toddler-brained f**kwit c*** with a d***ably omnipresent id sociopathy that turns even the most mundane and ceremonially easy parts of his job as POTUS into clusterf***s of b****y a**holery disgracing forever the historical prestige and honor of America.’ Wow, that felt good. That felt so lovely finally coming out of my mouth! President Trump is the taint of US presidents! The frothy taint littered with dingleberries! He is the biggest p**** president we’ve ever had! He’s such a p**** when it comes to standing up for American values around the world that I wouldn’t be surprised if he spends his six scheduled ‘Executive Hours’ every day grabbing himself by his boy p****! F*** Donald Trump. Donald Trump is the biggest piece of s*** human being who ever lived! He’s disgusting, disturbed, and worst of all just incredibly, wildly, preposterously stupid! He’s the biggest dumbf*** I have ever encountered in my life. He’s the biggest dumbf*** I have ever heard of! He’s the biggest dumbf*** in human history! I hope the Southern District of New York f***s him so hard he spends the rest of his miserable dumbf*** life in prison with his dumbf*** fake hair falling out, his dumbf*** fake teeth falling out, his dumbf*** kids going to prison, too, and his dumbf*** name in the history books forever being followed with an asterisk leading to a footnote spelling out to every elementary schooler in history class from now until the sun explodes and melts the Earth and our entire solar system that Donald J. Trump is the biggest dumbf*** organism to ever metabolically exist! …Wow, I, uh, really got carried away there didn’t I?”

From The Halfway Post vault:

Follow The Halfway Post, America’s #1 source of satirical news, on Facebook here, Twitter here, Tumblr here, or Instagram here for more liberal comedy, political humor and satire! Also, check out our podcast Brain Milk here!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s