Washington D.C.—
Stephen Miller, executive adviser to President Donald Trump, just unveiled a human centipede he created made of three immigrant children, and disgusted the entire world.
Miller defended his work claiming that the only deterrent to keep migrants and refugees from crossing America’s border and requesting asylum is to separate families and turn all the children into human centipedes three at a time.
Fox News commentators unanimously commended the Trump Administration’s new immigration policy, and said it was comfortably within the purview of long-standing American values. Sean Hannity said the human centipede policy was a stroke of political brilliance designed to solve all the immigration problems President Barack Obama never could, and Brian Kilmeade claimed Trump deserved a Nobel Peace Prize for it.
Trump-supporting Evangelical groups across the country have claimed that Jesus would approve of the new human centipede policy as a perfectly Christian method to keep America safe and secure.
Senator Susan Collins said that the kid centipede policy was “concerning.”
Senator Ted Cruz said the human centipedes were better than Democrats turning America socialist.
Senator Mitch McConnell said he had no comment.
First Lady Melania Trump incorporated the human centipede project into her “Be Best” campaign and claimed it showed that her husband’s administration does not bully migrant children, but turns them into beautiful new creatures like a metamorphosis of sorts.
From The Halfway Post vault:
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