Eric Trump Hopes His Dad Will Now Finally Go On That Fishing Trip With Him

(Screenshot from this whiny ABC News video.)

New York City, NY—

In a phone interview with The Halfway Post, Eric Trump said he’s excited his father lost reelection so that he might have more free time for father-son bonding.

“My dad has always been so busy my entire life, so he has never really had time to do some of the usual dad stuff, like going to my baseball games as a kid, or calling me on my birthdays, or remembering my name. He calls me ‘Derek’ a lot, but I prefer being called that more than being called ‘loser,’ which he sometimes accidentally calls me in front of the Trump Organization executives… or his White House staffers… or my wife and kids. But now that he will soon leave the White House, I’m hoping he’ll set aside time to catch up on some of that dad stuff. For instance, he has been promising he’d go on a fishing trip with me every year since I was 10, but every time I remind him he has some excuse, like that a porn star he likes will be in town that weekend, or that he promised Ivanka he’d take some swimsuit photographs of her, or that he got a new phone number and doesn’t know who is texting him. I’d love it if he surprised me one day with a trip he planned himself, but I’m not sure he’ll remember unless I bug him about it. His memory has always been so weird. He never remembered my name growing up, but he could remember the names and bra sizes of every teenage girl in me and Don Jr. and Ivanka’s classes at school. His brain was like an encyclopedia for girls going through puberty!”

Good luck getting that fishing trip, Eric!

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