Televangelist Says Women Should Be Imprisoned For Stealing Men’s Virginities

(Picture courtesy of Jeremy Bronson.)

Boise, ID—

Local televangelist Herbert Brock made controversial statements this weekend about women being responsible for every lost virginity in America.

“No man has ever, in the 6,000-year history of humanity, wanted to lose his virginity,” claimed Brock in his Sunday church service. “That kind of idea could only be generated in the deluded, easily manipulatable mind of a girl or woman gullibly succumbing to the corruption of Satan. It pains me to think of all the pure, innocent boys and men who have been lured into sexual slavery by succubus women with their overseer vaginas. It’s like women have two brains, and can’t help themselves but only think with the brain in their labia. It’s particularly tough for young men in high school and college these days. Taking your studies seriously is hard enough, but add to that the constant threat of girls asking them to send sexts! So let’s take a moment now to pray for young men, and ask God to help them stay strong while avoiding women’s omnipresent pressuring for sex………….. thank you.”

Brock then described legal remedies for this societal problem.

“I think we really have to get the law involved,” Brock continued. “The problem is that serious. Girls and women just need to learn that men’s virginities are precious, and they have no right to tempt males for sex before they’re married. I think any time parents find out their son has had premarital sex, they should call the police right away to drive to the girl’s house and arrest her. I think 3-5 years of prison would teach that harlot to keep her vagina closed, out of sight, and quiet whenever a boy is nearby. And the girl’s parents would surely agree that a brief prison sentence is for the benefit of all of society. Sexual desire is a plague that only affects women, and they need to learn to control their urges. Incarceration, or the threat of being imprisoned is the only way for women to learn to ‘keep it in their pants’ as the kids say these days. Alright, everyone, take out your Bibles now, and let’s all read together the part where God kicks out Adam and Eve, and it’s 100% Eve’s fault.”

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