St. Louis, MO—
President Donald Trump’s first seven months in office have been objectively terrible, offensive to humanity, and ineffective. Every day he’s yielding more to his fascist tendencies, and he’s threatening to ruin the post-WWII world order. He also has a terrible personality, and is the personification of everything that is wrong with American culture.
But while we reflect on his general awfulness, we must remember that Mr. Trump was born in 1946, a full 32 years before America stopped widely using lead-based paint in homes in 1978. Trump’s home was certainly painted with lead-based paint, and it’s very probable that little Donnie ate a bunch of paint chips growing up.
Trump’s personality issues, cognitive troubles, ego complexes, and general incapacity for learning all very likely stem from childhood lead-related poisoning. Trump has neither denied nor confirmed these speculations, but it’s not like he would want to deny them. Would he want to admit that he’s such a conspicuous moron without having eaten any lead paint? We here at The Halfway Post wouldn’t!
So next time you’re giving ‘ol Donnie a hard time, just remember that he probably screwed up his brain licking his family home’s lead-filled walls.