White supremacist Richard Spencer’s nonprofit organization White Semen Doomsday has reportedly reached a milestone in collecting its 3,000th mason jar of backup semen intended to be stockpiled in a snowy Alaskan vault built underground and preserved in case white people ever become, in the words of Mr. Spencer, “an endangered race.”
“We have to keep pure, white breeds pure and white,” Spencer told The Halfway Post. “If America ever starts getting a little too brown, we can transfer deposits from my collection to get a little more pure white distilling in the gene pool. And in case whites ever become enslaved by minority sub-races, we can take refuge in Alaska, and, like the Jedi in a number of Star Wars films, secretly nurse our people back to racial and political dominance against the dark-skinned!”
Spencer says the milestone is bitter-sweet.
“It’s amazing how far we have come since it all began. The White Semen Doomsday project is my most proud accomplishment. It started in my basement, and in the beginning was just me and a couple white supremacist friends jerking off into a jar together for the good of white humanity’s future. We started out meeting once a week, but we just had so much fun contributing to this great cause that it became a daily ritual. The collection grew very slow at first as we could not produce semen in substantial volumes ourselves, even when we were going at it sometimes four or five times a day and really just mashing our poor, raw penises at that point, so I realized we had to outsource and scale up. We started meeting with a bunch of other white supremacists at various nature campouts we organized thanks to some social media advertising that pinpointed our ads for guys who haven’t had any girlfriends in two years or more, and we gradually warmed them up to joining our masturbatory crusade. We couldn’t make it seem homosexual, of course, or these bitter, lonely, emasculated white men might want to fight us, but a great ice-breaker was our mutual agreement that whites are the real oppressed people in this country no matter what kind of peer-reviewed, sociological statistics libtards want to scientifically measure and analyze. The idea really took off and, before long, we had guys all over America sponsoring their own mason jar jerk-off events, and the splinter groups would send me all the jars they collected. I quickly ran out of freezer space in my house, and I actually started having to rent out industrial-sized freezers in order to keep the pure white semen as fresh as possible. But I’m incredibly thankful that the white supremacy movement really stepped up to the plate and helped me finance this great project with generous financial donations along with the testicular donations. It’s just beautiful to see so many white dudes concerned about losing the majority in America. Doomsday could be just around the corner for our kind, and we white knights must be prepared to defend our country with copious, oceanic volumes of white semen in case the population of pure, white female wombs ever dwindles to just a few thousand or even hundred fertile, child-rearing women.”
Now that phase one of the White Semen Doomsday project is complete, phase two of actually building the Alaskan vault will begin. Meanwhile, the jerk-off events are continuing.
“It took a while, but we finally met our ambitious goal of 3,000 mason jars. It’s a beautiful sight to see one of our dozens of freezers filled with hundreds of jars stacked on crisp, icy metal shelves. Most are labeled by the cities and states they came from, but some participating white supremacy groups are big enough or masturbationally eager enough that individual neighborhoods or host homes can fill up jars real quick. It’s a relief, too, that the speed of deposit jars coming in has gone up so dramatically and efficiently after a big set-back we faced several months ago. We had a bit of a disaster early on. Our very first collection effort was tainted by a black guy who we discovered was contributing in one of the donation groups. Apparently they somehow didn’t get the memo that the project was for whites only. Back then we didn’t use standardized jar sizes so I had to do a lot of mixing and marrying of jars to make sure they were all totally filled and stackable to maximize our storage space in the freezers, and my organization wasn’t anywhere near as efficient as it is now, so there was just no way to tell which jars had been tainted. So, unfortunately, I had to pour out every single one of them. We had about 450 mason jars filled at that point, but there was no choice except to start over from scratch. It was the only way to ensure total white purity. We can’t save the human race in a doomsday catastrophe if our white women start popping out mixed babies! I’ll tell you, though, pouring all those milky, potential white children down my kitchen drain was literally the most heartbreaking experience of my life. I still get choked up when I remember that tragic day. Some of the jars I’d just pour into my hand, and tears would well up in my eyes as all that exalted cum dripped between my fingers and pooled in the creases of my palm. I felt like I could almost hear them begging me to let them live, to impregnate some future blonde-haired, blue-eyed mother’s uterus to ensure the salvation of paleness… But it had to be done. Cleaning out all those jars was rough, rough work. And the cold slush of it all congealed in my pipes and dishwasher and really screwed things up. I can’t use my house’s kitchen sink at all anymore.”
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More from The Halfway Post vault:
He collects more in his Ass and Mouth, than those 3,000 jars could ever hold…
Is this a fucking parody report?
I just ate.