New York City, NY—
In an interview with Gamed Magazine, Nintendo‘s Director of Sales Aiko Gawasaki revealed that what he called an “Easter egg glitch” transformed the Super Smash Bros. Ultimate character Donkey Kong into President Donald Trump.
With a succession of orchestrated button presses, Donkey Kong disappears in a cloud of smoke and reappears as a red-tied, over-suited President Trump.
The Trump game character was designed very exhaustively over an unusual six months, and it’s inclusion into the game’s code was kept top-secret and developed on a need-to-know-only basis.
“Usually characters only take a month to code, but, of course, most of our Nintendo characters are fictional, and often anthropomorphic, such as space-traveling foxes and behemothic turtles,” explained Gawasaki. “Trump is a real person, so we wanted to make sure we authentically rendered him. And President Trump makes an excellent addition to the cast of Super Smash Bro. Ultimate. One of his specialties in the game is that he cannot be grabbed or clutched by any of the other characters, on account of his tanning oil we rendered visually by designing his character with orange skin. To balance that impressive brawling advantage, we made the Trump character slow, with a dashing speed about half of other characters, since Mr. Trump famously dislikes stairs and the act of walking even short distances. President Trump is of course obese, and weighted down further with fast food grease deposits in all his arteries, so, as you can see, the Trump character’s slow speed has a high degree of veritas.”
Meticulous research by the Super Smash Bros Ultimate team narrowed down the Trump character’s special attacks to the following:
Side arrow: Trump throws libel lawsuits out at opposing characters, which does a small amount of damage, but temporarily freezes opponents for two seconds, exploiting them to further damage.
Down arrow: Trump’s mushroom penis sprouts out through his trousers and sprays Vietnam-style napalm on opponents.
“We took the most creative license with the mushroom penis napalm attack,” said Gawasaki. “But our research uncovered multiple Trump statements comparing his sex-life in the 70s and 80s being not unlike his ‘own Vietnam.’ Nintendo‘s ethos is to always have fun, so we just rolled with it. I hope Super Smash Bros. Ultimate fans take time to explore all the capabilities of the Trump character. And the choice of Donkey Kong was very deliberate. It is, of course, suspected widely in Japan that Donald Trump is one-fourth orangutan, and has, as far as I know, been unable to produce a long-form birth certificate to prove otherwise.”