Trump Gave Mitch McConnell A “World’s Best Senator” Mug

Washington D.C.—

President Donald Trump showed off on Twitter a new coffee mug he gave to Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell that says “World’s Best Senator.”

Trump published the following tweets regarding the gift:

“Mitch McConnell has done a great thing for America by forcing through my Senate acquittal without witnesses, so I’d like to thank him. The haters said it couldn’t be done. They said ‘that’s not how trials in modern democracies work.’ They said it was ‘preposterously indicative of my guilt.’ But we proved the haters wrong!”

“All my voters in Kentucky should vote for him. Just don’t donate money to his campaign. Send all money to my campaign. It gets expensive renting out my properties to myself for campaign events, and I don’t give myself or the Secret Service any discounts because I’m such a tough negotiator. Also, I really like money, and want more of it!”

“I’m sorry to say that Mitt Romney will not be receiving any novelty mugs from me. Maybe I’ll send him one that says ‘VERMIN’ because that’s what he is. When you’re as innocent as I am, you really hate testifiers, rats, whistle-blowers, squealers, and people who take seriously their vows to God by voting their conscience. I’m the most innocent President ever, so I hate them all the most!”

“So sorry, Mitt, but I think you should leave the GOP. You’ve conservative on every issue, and you represent one of the whitest, most reliably conservative states in America, but, because you voted against me personally, you’ve made it obvious to me that you’re a communist socialist African-American Trump-hater.”

“But it’s not too late for you to redeem yourself, Mitt. I forgave Matt Gaetz for voting against me recently. I made him get a tattoo of my face on his butt, drink a cup of my urine, and walk around Mar-a-Lago for a weekend wearing nothing but a diaper, and now we’re cool again. I’m very forgiving with people if they just commit to being subjected to a little bit of sick, perverted revenge!”

“So what do you say, Mitt? I’ll give you a ‘World’s Best Senator’ mug, too, if you’re willing to drink the several ounces of my pee that will be in it when I hand it to you. Just let me know!”

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