New York City, NY—
Fox News pundit Sean Hannity is one of President Donald Trump’s biggest fans, and Hannity has reportedly commissioned a 9-ft tall statue of Mr. Trump in the image of an ancient Greek god.
Hannity told The Halfway Post he positioned the statue in his mansion’s front foyer area below his staircase landing so it’s the first thing visitors see, and that he wanted to pay homage to his favorite president.
Some of Hannity’s friends, however, have remarked that they think the statue is in bad taste.
“I like Sean a lot, don’t get me wrong,” explained Hannity’s Fox colleague Tucker Carlson, “But I’m kind of weirded out by this Trump statue. For starters, Trump is entirely naked except for a leaf over his junk, and I couldn’t help but notice that his crotch exhibits an unnecessarily large and anatomically exaggerated bulge. It seems to me like some weird Biblical symbolism that, as a Christian, offends me. I’m not sure if that was the artist’s choice, or if Hannity specifically requested that, but the fawning monologues Hannity delivers on his show every night about how manly and alpha-male Trump is really makes me wonder. Then there’s the really bulky muscles on the statue’s arms and legs, and a very pronounced 6-pack of abs. To be frank, I don’t think Trump has seen his abs for 50 years. The whole thing is just very surprisingly homoerotic.”
Hannity disagreed.
“This statue is not the least bit homoerotic,” Hannity said. “It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I think it shows a side of Trump that the media will never portray, a side that represents all the winning Trump is doing for America. And it’s sculpted magnificently. I spared no expense for it to embody the very pinnacle of masculine physique. I can just stare at this art piece forever. Sometimes I bring in my hose and spray the statue so it glistens. Other times I grab a notebook and I try to do some sketching of it from different angles. This statue was worth every penny. It inspires me so much. When Trump does something so preposterous that I have no idea how to spin it to my audience as an intelligent decision I just come down here, stare at Trump’s abs, and it reminds me I can simply blame Hillary Clinton.”
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(Picture courtesy of Gage Skidmore.)
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