New York City, NY—
According to publishing company insiders, First Lady Melania Trump is shopping a memoir tell-all she wrote about her relationship with President Donald Trump around to several of the big five publishing companies.
Her book, tentatively entitled Beauty & The Trump, will be filled with salacious details.
The Halfway Post received a one-sheeter of leaked details intended to gin up interest in the forthcoming book ahead of its release:
- Donald’s morning hair and makeup routine takes twice as long as hers.
- When Donald farts he bends his head down to his knees, takes a big whiff, and yells “take that, climate change!”
- Melania once snooped in Donald’s cell phone and saw several late night “u up?” texts he had sent to Democratic Senator Dianne Feinstein that she never responded to.
- Donald once asked Jim Jordan if it would be hot if Nancy Pelosi spanked him with the House of Representatives’ articles of impeachment rolled up.
- Melania has actually become close friends with Stormy Daniels, and they have lunch once a month where they get together and make fun of Donald.
- Both Melania and Barron talk shit about Donald to his face in Slovenian.
- She has procured Barron more money in Donald’s will than either Eric or Don Jr. will get.
- Donald asked Melania if she considered it cheating when Ted Cruz offered to let Donald teabag him in exchange for an endorsement back during his 2018 Senate reelection campaign, and she said she didn’t mind so Ted earned the endorsement.
- Donald has two tattoos, one of his own face on his left calf, and another of his own signature on his mons pubis.
- When Donald sees a spider he screams and yells for Melania to come kill it.
- Donald doesn’t know who Martin Luther King, Jr. is, and at this point is afraid to ask.
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