Washington D.C.—
Former presidential adviser Ivanka Trump today offered brief remarks to a reporter about the Biden Administration’s job numbers.
“These numbers are nothing to the number of jobs I created while in the White House,” Ms. Trump said. “But, to be honest, I don’t understand how our unemployment numbers could get so high in the first place. What are all these jobless people doing? It’s not like there aren’t jobs. Like, why not just go work at their parents’ companies until they figure out other options? Working at your dad’s company isn’t a bad thing. When I graduated from college I didn’t know what kind of career I wanted to pursue, so I just got a temporary summer job as executive vice-president of the Trump Organization. And you know what? It turned out to be a great fit. I found it very gratifying to get involved in the family business. We were doing all these amazing events with charities, business deals with Russians, and I loved learning about accounting from the best in the industry, my dad and his team of accountants. Another thing I don’t understand is people who complain about taxes. If you’re good at business you never have to pay taxes. I don’t think I’ve ever paid taxes. I got paid off the books and through business write-offs as a contractor, and got a company card through the Trump Foundation to buy whatever I wanted. And these are just some of the perks of working for your dad! My first internship made me a millionaire after my first paycheck, so I ended up staying on for quite a while. I don’t get why everyone complains about unpaid internships. I barely did any searching at all, and my first internship paid incredibly well. So I think unemployed people should complain a little less. I’m 100% sure that if I could do it with all my obstacles and challenges in life, anyone can.”
The reporter stared with her mouth open, so Ivanka continued.
“And it’s not like you have to commit for life, you know? After several years working at the Trump Organization, I found myself getting bored and wanting to switch career paths. A lot of people don’t have the willpower to make it happen, but you just have to try. I was nervous about switching industries at first, but I decided to jump into the deep end, so to speak, of public service. I applied for a job in my dad’s presidential administration and got hired ten minutes later. See? It’s not so hard. Sometimes you just have to take a leap into your future. I was worried about giving up what I had built at my dad’s company, but everything worked out great. I got a great salary, I met tons of interesting people around the country and world, and made $640 million in business deals on the side. All because I had the courage to build a brand new career in government with nothing but my brains and hard work. So I’d love it if my story and my struggles inspire all the unemployed people out there to pick themselves up by the bootstraps like I did! They don’t have to squander their time sitting at home and collecting unemployment, you know? I don’t understand why more people don’t just stop being poor. It’s so easy.”
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“I don’t understand why more people don’t just stop being poor.”
Thanks for inspiring me Ivanka, I guess I just never thought of being rich before, so I’ll stop being poor now.
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