Trump: “I Like My Steak Like I Like Ivanka…Drizzled With Ketchup”

Washington D.C.—

President Donald Trump was recorded last weekend at Mar-A-Lago hitting on his daughter Ivanka again. He was sitting with several of his resort members and supporters, and one of them, after requesting anonymity, leaked an audio recording to The Halfway Post.

The following is a transcript of the recording:

“I’m thinking about having steak tonight, what are you guys having? Steak, too? Good choice. The steak here is very good. Maybe the best steak of all time. Tremendous meat. I like it very well done. No germs that way. Cook out all the COVID, that’s what I say! So the Democrats can shut up already. And I like the steak with ketchup. We have great ketchup here. I always say that I like my steak like I like Ivanka… drizzled with ketchup! Ha! Just kidding. That one always gets a laugh. But just a joke, just a joke. I don’t pour ketchup on her anymore. Nope, she’s married now. So no more ketchup. I wonder if Jared pours ketchup on her. I hope not. I’d like that to stay our little thing, between just me and her. Just daddy’s little game. I started doing it when she was a teenager. Boy, she was a looker even back then. But now she’s just incredible. Let me give you all a little life trick I swear by… get a credit card for all the women in your life to do whatever enhancements they want. You’ll thank me when all the women around you are beautiful. Trust me. I swear by it. You don’t want to have a bunch of uglies hanging around your house, you know? But don’t be afraid to cut them off. Melania went a little too far. She’s looking a little Martian these days. Kind of creeps me out. But I’ll always have beautiful Ivanka. You know, my life would be so much easier if I could just date her. If I could have Ivanka and a machine to dispense ketchup on command my life would be perfect…. Epstein used to have a ketchup girl for me. But I had to pay her double… I hope Heaven is just me, teenaged Ivanka, and an olympic-sized swimming pool full of ketchup we swim in. Anyway, you won’t regret the steak here. Tremendous steak. A good Trump steak. Did I mention it’s the best steak of all time?”

From The Halfway Post vault:

Follow The Halfway Post, America’s #1 source of satirical news, on Facebook here, Twitter here, Tumblr here, or Instagram here for more liberal comedy, political humor and satire! Also, check out our podcast Brain Milk here!

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.