Eric Trump’s Deepest Secrets Were Just Revealed

(Picture courtesy of Gage Skidmore.)
  • Eric stole Pokémon cards from kids with cancer while visiting them in the hospital. It’s how he got his holographic Charizard.
  • Eric hosted several charity events at his father’s properties to try and earn an “I love you, son” from his dad, but his dad still called him a “regret” when Eric gave a leukemia charity a 1% discount on a purchase of a bottle of Trump Wine.
  • He lost $1.3 million in June of 2014 in a cryptocurrency scam called “Billionaire Bucks” for which he thought he’d get fabulously rich being the first investor. Unfortunately, he was the only investor.
  • He used to practice French-kissing with Donald Jr. until age 16 so they’d be good at it when they got girlfriends.
  • He loves to crochet, but has to hide his passion for textiles from the rest of his mean-spirited family. He has made them all beanie hats, but can’t gift them because he knows they’d just laugh and mock him.
  • He hates ketchup because of several traumatizing memories of his father abusing him and his brother with a ketchup bottle when their mom would undercook steak to a medium temperature instead of well-done and he’d explode with rage.
  • He wanted to study botany in college, but his dad wouldn’t let him.
  • His favorite band is Nickelback, his favorite movie is Showgirls, and his favorite television show is The Jerry Springer Show. He cherishes seeing glimpses of families more screwed up than his own. His favorite episodes are ones where men take paternity tests and find out they’re not the father because he likes to imagine Donald Trump is not his real dad and he has a different father somewhere out in the world who will accept him, love him unconditionally, and not call him a “loser” every day in front of his wife and kids.
  • His most proud moment was when he punched Jared Kushner in the jaw for telling a joke that implied the Trump family wasn’t actually rich, but he later apologized when he found out it was true.
  • He gets very upset when his dad mocks him for not having cheated on his wife yet because it’s not like he hasn’t tried.

From The Halfway Post vault:

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