Washington D.C.—
According to White House insiders, President Donald Trump has just requested that the Secret Service make reservations at the hotel adjacent to his Florida golf club from November 4th to January 20th.
These dates coincide, of course, with the day after the presidential election and the next presidential inauguration, respectively.
However, the White House communications team has insisted this lengthy planned vacation has nothing to do with the current polls showing Joe Biden has a healthy electoral lead.
President Trump himself addressed the controversy with the following tweets:
“I don’t need the Secret Service’s money! I donate my salary to federal agencies, and, like I’ve said before, I will provide the receipts that I actually donate that money immediately after the election! No one needs the Secret Service to buy out whole floors of his hotels less than me! Trust me!”
“You won’t believe all the things I’ll disclose the day after the election! It will blow your mind! My tax returns, my salary donation receipts, my ObamaCare replacement plan, infrastructure week, my DNA for my rape cases, my health records, my COVID lung CT scans, the date of my first positive COVID test…”
“…my new Iran deal, North Korean peace, the name of the bank who owns my $421 million debt, the Trump Organization’s tax documents, Eric’s SDNY testimony, and the translators’ notes with my meetings with Putin will all be unveiled beautifully on November 4th (as long as I win reelection)! MOST TRANSPARENT PRESIDENT IN HISTORY!!!”
“One-way ticket Moscow January 20th”
“Oops, disregard that last tweet! I think Barron must have been playing on my phone or something! Not worried at all! The REAL polls show me way ahead of Sleepy Joe! MAGA!!!”
From The Halfway Post vault:
Follow The Halfway Post, America’s #1 source of satirical news, on Facebook here, Twitter here, Tumblr here, or Instagram here for more liberal comedy, political humor and satire! Also, check out our podcast Brain Milk here!
The Halfway Post 