Trump Threatened To “Lock Up” Every White Suburban Woman Who Votes For Joe Biden

Washington D.C.—

President Donald Trump appears to be getting desperate, and today took to Twitter to publish several tweets apparently threatening suburban white women, who polls show are increasingly planning to vote for Joe Biden by a wide margin, with imprisonment.

The following are Mr. Trump’s tweets:

“Why are suburban women turning toward Biden? It makes no sense after I’ve made America so great! Don’t I get any thanks?! Joe Biden is the worst, and will turn all suburban women’s children gay, socialist, Arab, dead, and, worst of all, poor!”

“Please, suburban woman! I’m down on both knees. I never beg, everybody knows Donald Trump never begs, but I’m down on my knees here.  Please, please, please vote for me. I’m going to make the suburbs so great! Everyone will be a millionaire, and everyone will have 3 healthcare plans each better than Obamacare! Biden will turn every suburban house into a Muslim Planned Parenthood powered by disgusting wind turbines and the dashed dreams of coal mining patriots everywhere!”

“And he’ll force your husbands to convert to African-American, and send them to China to work for Burisma with Hunter Biden as their boss! And your new roommates will be Hillary Clinton and Nancy Pelosi, and you’ll have to flush your toilets 15 times! Is that what you want? Cause that’s all a part of Sleepy Joe’s Green New Deal! Don’t believe me? Read Biden’s website, it’s all there!”

“So the suburban white women better vote Trump! Or I’ll lock them up! I don’t want to do it, but I’ll have no choice. Joe Biden is the worst criminal in human history, so it’s a crime to replace the BEST PRESIDENT America has ever had (DONE MORE THAN LINCOLN!!!) with Brain Dead Joe! But if suburban women vote for me, they’ll have nothing to worry about!”

From The Halfway Post vault:

Follow The Halfway Post, America’s #1 source of satirical news, on Facebook here, Twitter here, Tumblr here, or Instagram here for more liberal comedy, political humor and satire! Also, check out our podcast Brain Milk here!

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.