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- A televangelist in Arkansas says he tried to give Donald Trump the benefit of the doubt on his adulterous rape allegations, but, now that the Supreme Court has upheld his guilty verdict, he has “no Biblical choice” except to point out for the sake of “Christian values” consistency that God demands he be stoned.
- Stephen Miller is reportedly so mad about the Supreme Court not overturning birthright citizenship that he has reportedly taken the rest of the day off to distract himself by watching his favorite movie, Nosferatu.
- Trump is reportedly pissed that the White House has now been labeled as a rapist’s house on major sex offender map apps, and he can’t sue to force them to remove that designation because it’s legally official.
- High-level FIFA officials are reportedly trying to stop Trump from being allowed to hand out the World Cup trophy by arguing that he’s a curse for big events, and reminding the other FIFA officials that Trump’s 250th Fair was an empty, boring disaster.
- Donald Trump is reportedly threatening to leave the Republican Party and “burn it down” because GOP Senators are turning against him, the House is useless, the Supreme Court rejected his appeal of his rape verdict, and none of his voters showed up to the 250th fair.
- Trump claims the Supreme Court “totally exonerated” him on his rape defamation civil lawsuit.
- Mitch McConnell is reportedly delirious in the hospital and admitting to doing sexual things in the Louisville Zoo’s reptile room.
- Trump is reportedly livid that the Supreme Court justices he appointed aren’t as personally “loyal” to him as Hitler’s judges were.
- No one is more mad about the Supreme Court protecting birthright citizenship than Stephen Miller, whose own familial American heritage ironically would have been invalidated by the ruling he wanted.
- Top members of the Federalist Society are reportedly buying themselves new Nazi memorabilia to cheer themselves up after the Supreme Court decided not to overturn birthright citizenship.
- So far 14 foreign nations have announced that Trump’s rape defamation lawsuit loss means he will no longer be allowed within their borders.
- Trump is reportedly admitting that ripping up Obama’s Iran deal was a mistake that has forced him to waste most of this year destroying his presidential legacy with the war, and is demanding his advisers give him names of whose fault it was other than his own.
- Trump is reportedly pissed because he just found out that algae is incredibly effective at removing carbon from the atmosphere, and he accidentally made the Reflecting Pool “environmentally Woke.”
- Trump is reportedly beginning to suspect Jared Kushner is not his administration’s Henry Kissinger.
- A 6 year old at Mar-a-Lago reportedly just called Trump, to his face, a “smelly tubby with a scary orange clown face.”
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If you think Donald Trump is a joke, I published three books for you: Satire In The Trump Years, Satire In The Biden Years, and Trump Comedy.
I’ve also published four existentialist poetry books, Cabaret No Stare, Moon Goon, Hotel Golden Hours, and Nostradoofus.
The Halfway Post 