“If Only God Would Do Something About Gun Violence” Say Conservatives Who Block Every Effort At Gun Control


Oklahoma City, OK—

A local Christian group has shared with The Halfway Post their conflicted feelings about the latest gun massacre, expressing frustration that God has not yet put an end to the wildly disproportionate prevalence of mass shootings in America.

“I pray all the time for gun violence in America to end, and—well, not like all day, or anything, I’m pretty busy you know?” explained Amanda Bricker, a local Baptist. “But like every day. Er, well, not literally every day, but, like, at least once a week, when I remember, you know? And I don’t know what I’m doing wrong because God is totally not answering my prayers. Usually he answers all my prayers, like when I pray to not fail a test at school, or to not be pregnant when my period is a few days late, but God is totally ignoring me when it comes to the horrific mass murders that seem to plague America on an almost weekly basis.”

Other Christian conservatives felt like gun violence was a problem beyond human capability.

“I don’t understand what God is waiting for,” explained Marty Woodson, another local Baptist. “We gun-loving Christian conservatives have done everything in our power to block every regulation on guns no matter how small or unobtrusive they are, and no matter how scientifically proven to be effective they are so that God can show the nation His goodness and love by ending mass shootings once and for all by Himself, but it’s as if His all-loving master plan for the universe necessitates America having more mass shootings than the rest of the developed world combined or something. We’ve completely stonewalled every contemporary legislative effort to bring down the annual number of gun deaths in America whether it’s more stringent background checks, a licensing system, an annual required safety test, high-velocity semi-automatic rifle bans, waiting periods, a 21-year-old and above age restriction, restrictions on carrying guns in bars and churches, a gun owner’s insurance mandate, and so many more. Yet God is still not solving our unmatched mass shooting problem for us. I’m almost starting to think that the libs are right on this issue and that we ought to start taking matters into our own legislative hands and passing some of the common sense gun safety regulations that other countries with comparatively low gun violence have in order to help keep guns out of the hands of unstable people…but surely God can’t be on the side of liberals when it comes to guns, right? I mean, God can’t believe that Americans shouldn’t all be armed with AR-15’s, can he?”

(Picture courtesy of Mike Petrucci.)

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