Omaha, NE—
Local Trump voter Jeff Yorbs, 53, died tragically today after reportedly realizing his belief that immigrants were simultaneously lazy and job stealers was not logically sound.
“I couldn’t believe it!” said Yorbs’ girlfriend Paula Goff, 48. “One moment he’s fine walking around holding my hand, and the next moment he collapses and goes to Heaven!”
The couple were taking an afternoon stroll enjoying the weather when a hispanic-looking man drove past in a truck.
“Jeff was a die-hard Trump supporter, and the sight of a brown-skinned person in our town really got him going, so he started yelling at the man in the truck about how he should go back to Mexico. The man shouted back that he had been born in Boston and was a citizen, but Jeffy told him he should give him back his job. Jeff has been unfortunately unemployed for a few years since getting out of prison for allegedly beating his ex-wife and selling meth, but he can’t get a job because immigrants have taken all the jobs in this once quintessential, real American town. Making matters worse, every time Jeffy got a job interview he’d demand the boss of whatever company he was applying with fire all the employees with skin darker than an Italian so he could replace the foreigners, but the libtard political-correctness has gotten so bad that even the white hiring managers are racist against white people and wouldn’t give Jeff a job. They’d tell him to stop being xenophobic and to leave. The nerve! So Jeff’s blood has been boiling for a few years over immigration, and he ran up to the guy’s truck and called him a ‘lazy sonofabitch’ who didn’t deserve to have his job. The fake American then laughed and asked Jeff how he could be lazy if he had apparently stolen Jeff’s job and worked well enough to not get fired like Jeff had. Then something came over Jeff! He looked up and to the side, thought about it for a moment, and got furiously angry. He clenched his fists, started shaking uncontrollably as he made this weird growling sound, and then put his hands over his heart, keeled over, and died right there in the street. I still can’t believe he’s gone. And if that immigrant had just given Jeff his job and self-deported, none of this would have happened. Jeff would still be here with me going for walks and yelling at all the brown-skinned people he saw around town. I miss him so much. I miss the sound of his voice yelling ethnic slurs, and the gayish, feminine hand movements he’d do to mock any guys he ever saw eating salads or playing in the park with their kids, and I miss the way he’d yell ‘nice tits’ at every teenaged girl he ever saw, and the way he’d slap on ‘Trump 2020’ bumper stickers on any Prius he saw in parking lots, and the way he’d get so worked up watching Sean Hannity’s show that he’d go out to Walmart and buy another gun. Every night I sleep with his ‘Make America Great Again’ hat on the pillow next to mine, and sometimes before bed I get the last chewing tobacco bottle he ever spit in and smell it to remind myself of what his breath used to smell like. America just doesn’t make courageously manly men like him anymore, and it’s a shame that he died because of that immigrant who claimed his family has been living in America for six generations. The doctor said Jeffy likely died from a heart attack following years of a terrible diet, no exercise, alcoholism, diabetes, methamphetamine abuse, and an untreated anger problem, but I know that Jeffy actually died because of PC culture libtard socialism.”
Follow The Halfway Post, America’s #1 source of satirical news, on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/thehalfwaypost, Twitter @HalfwayPost, Tumblr at https://halfwaypost.tumblr.com, or Instagram @thehalfwaypost for more liberal, political humor and satire!
(Picture courtesy of Lauren Siegert.)
The Halfway Post 