Trump’s New Campaign Plan Is To Convince America That Joe Biden Is The Current President

Washington D.C.—

President Donald Trump is down in the polls, and looking for a way to shake up the presidential race in the last two months of 2020’s campaign season.

A White House janitor found a copy of Trump’s campaign plan in a trash can, and anonymously leaked it to The Halfway Post noting that the recycling bin was literally right next to the trash can.

The following is Trump’s plan, as written by his campaign manager Bill Stepien:

Trump 2020 TOP SECRET Ideas To Defeat Joe Biden

  1. Start blaming all the police brutality, BLM protests, riots, COVID, and soaring unemployment on Obama/Biden. Act as if Biden is the incumbent candidate, and Trump is the challenger. It will be easy to convince goldfish-brained MAGA fans because they’ll believe anything, but independents will be a harder sell.
  2. Stop having big rallies filled with closely clustered supporters? COVID is not going away, and the pep rallies will have diminishing returns if our most committed voters get COVID and die, or are too sick to vote.
  3. Have Trump stop tweeting out all his obvious, self-conscious insecurities that are both unpresidential and unbeneficial for converting independents?
  5. Have a reality show for suburban women to compete to be Eric’s first affair? Donald Jr.’s next affair?
  6. Have a fundraising campaign where one lucky winner gets to adopt one of Trump’s secret illegitimate children?
  7. Have a reality show where Matt Gaetz, Lindsey Graham, and Jim Jordan debase themselves a la Fear Factor for the honor of massaging Trump’s feet? The ratings would be HUGE!
  8. Sex tapes have launched several celebrity careers… release the pee tape? Leak a sex tape of Eric?
  9. Have Kimberly Guilfoyle yell a bunch of Mussolini speeches for a YouTube channel?
  10. Have Trump replace Pence on the ticket.. Nikki Haley? Ivanka? Himself?

From The Halfway Post vault:

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