Christian Trump Voters Are Struggling To Believe God Is A Libtard

Montgomery, AL—

Evangelical Trump voters have suffered a major shock from the electoral defeat of President Donald Trump, and The Halfway Post reached out to several of them to see how they were dealing with the loss.

“Honestly, my whole world has turned upside down,” said Samantha Havers, 28. “How can I have faith in God’s omniscience, omnipotence, and His eternal master plan if He’d let a Democrat win? It’s bad enough God keeps letting Democrats win the popular vote in presidential elections, but now the Electoral College? I know God is real busy always working on stopping America’s gun violence, the opioid epidemic, poverty, sex-trafficking, and children’s cancer, but the presidency is a big deal! I don’t know how God could have missed this when His record is so flawless on all of society’s other problems!”

Other MAGA Evangelicals were having doubts about Christianity entirely.

“God has been my one and only all these years,” explained Dan Lipp, “but, frankly, I’ve started doing a little window shopping on some other religions. If Yahweh is going to let Joe Biden turn America into a socialist, Arab, feminist, elitist hellhole like Sweden, I say ‘no way, Yahweh!’ I’ve started looking into Hinduism a bit, and I have to say I like what I see. Their God Shiva’s role is to destroy the entire universe, and that’s a very attractive deity to worship now that the political party I don’t like is in power for four years! I hope when the universe gets rebuilt anew Shiva won’t let there be any Demonrats in it! That’s what I call Democrats, because they’re just like demons and rats if you combined the two. Who knows how they did it, but sometime in the last four years they got to God and turned Him into a libtard. You know, I’ve spent my entire life waiting for Jesus Christ to come back and send me to Heaven, but I don’t want to go to a libtard Heaven. So starting now I renounce Jesus Christ and Sleepy Yahweh, and pledge my everlasting soul to Shiva. Come on, Shiva, destroy the universe as quickly as You can!! That’s how against a government public healthcare option I am!”

More from The Halfway Post vault:

https://atomic-temporary-129578498.wpcomstaging.com/2020/11/06/maga-christians-cant-believe-god-would-make-such-a-big-mistake/

https://atomic-temporary-129578498.wpcomstaging.com/2020/08/29/christians-relieved-black-man-killed-by-police-had-overdue-library-book-so-murder-justified/

https://atomic-temporary-129578498.wpcomstaging.com/2019/11/17/poll-83-of-christians-wish-christianity-was-as-cool-as-nordic-egyptian-greek-roman-religion/

https://atomic-temporary-129578498.wpcomstaging.com/2017/08/19/jesus-christ-returns-demands-to-know-who-decided-christians-didnt-have-to-be-jewish/

Follow The Halfway Post, America’s #1 source of satirical news, on Facebook here, Twitter here, Tumblr here, or Instagram here for more liberal comedy, political humor and satire! Also, check out our podcast Brain Milk here!