In Anticipation Of Future Indictments, Donald Trump Claims He’s Never Met Donald Trump Jr. Before

30309613870_787846f5fc_z
(Picture courtesy of Gage Skidmore.)

Washington D.C.—

With the RussiaGate scandal swirling around President Donald Trump like a hurricane following the sudden indictments of Trump’s top campaign staffers Paul Manafort and Rick Gates alongside the guilty plea of George Papadopoulos, the White House is bracing itself and preparing for future indictments in Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation.

Taking steps to mitigate further political damage, the White House legal team has begun to insulate President Trump from the apparent treasonous corruption that occurred during his presidential campaign.

A White House spokeswoman today argued that Trump is not very familiar with Manafort, Gates, or Papadopoulos, and that their positions amounted to being little more than “coffee boys.”

Even more controversially, the White House communications department claimed this morning that President Trump doesn’t remember ever meeting Donald Trump Jr. before.

“If the President had ever met Donald Jr., the meeting must have been entirely uneventful and unimportant,” said the spokeswoman. “The President has no memory of this Donald Jr. so he must have been just about the lowest, most unimportant person in the 2016 campaign.”

Trump himself took to Twitter to address the rumors that Donald Jr. is very close to him, tweeting:

“The Fake News is back at it again. I don’t know who this ‘Don Jr.’ is, and I’ve never met him! The media will lie about anything, won’t they? They just can’t get over that I won Wisconsin! If Don Jr. were in my office right now, I wouldn’t be able to pick out which one he is!”

The White House’s official website, meanwhile, has scrubbed the President’s biography to erase every mention of Don Jr., and now says the President only has four children: Ivanka, Eric, Tiffany and Barron.

More from The Halfway Post vault:

Follow The Halfway Post, America’s #1 source of satirical news, on Twitter here, Facebook here, Tumblr here, or Instagram here for more liberal comedy, political humor and satire! Also, check out our podcast Brain Milk here and subscribe to our Substack newsletter The Halfway Café here.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.