St. Louis, MO—
The National Rifle Association (NRA) has earned much criticism in recent years due to America’s increasing gun violence, but NRA lobbying still seeks to preserve unconstrained gun rights with efforts that have grown more paranoid throughout the tenure of NRA executive Wayne LaPierre.
However, the NRA this morning did agree to postpone the production of a brand new NRA-endorsed line of AR-15s designed to be a sort of “training wheels” semi-assault weapon for children.
“We believe it’s just not the right time to unveil our new children’s section of gun retail,” an NRA spokeswoman told The Halfway Post in a brief interview regarding the NRA’s promotional strategy. “The political winds are shifting, and it appears that liberals are brainwashing America into believing toddlers can’t safely be given an AR-15 to play with. The Left wants the government to get in the way of every law-abiding family’s right to train their three-year-olds how to violently repel with overwhelming fire superiority the gangs of marauding criminals, thugs, and terrorists trying every day to break into our homes and murder us in our sleep. Liberals are so misguided. Let’s say the government turns tyrannical like King George III, and patriotic Americans have to rise up in armed rebellion. Are we really going to stop 4-year-olds from joining our militia armies then? We’ll need every AR-15 we can get, no matter how small or colorfully designed with friendly farm animals!”
Critics of the NRA have insisted the idea of marketing AR-15s for children is ludicrous, but the NRA disagrees.
“The Second Amendment is airtight,” said the NRA spokeswoman. “And children are citizens, too, aren’t they? Besides, guns are just as good companions for children as other pets, like puppies and kittens. My gun is practically my best friend. We go for walks around the neighborhood together almost every night. But because of libtards I get the cops called on me once a week. You know the Left has ruined America when I can’t even walk around my neighborhood with my rifle and stop at each house to admire its unique architecture. Sometimes I look with my rifle’s magnified scope just to be able to notice the tiny details of the brickwork and decorative shutters around windows and whatnot. But apparently that’s ‘alarming,’ or ‘irresponsible,’ or all the other words police tell me my neighbors say about me to the 911 dispatchers. Liberals just aren’t comfortable with freedom.”
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